Alcoholics Anonymous

If entertainment were a vice, I’d end up probably intoxicated – left in AA meetings or going to entertainment rehab – if there is. Well, I don’t know. Face it; I have been hiding myself for the past few weeks – trying constantly to avoid pathetic emotions, remembering the last step in my three step program called “Accept. Change. Move On.”

Apparently, to move on is the last step.

And that’s what I am doing. I WANT to avoid my feelings. It’s bad, I know. But I told myself I’d fix this during the summer where I could watch more movies, go out more, reconnect and socialize – be exposed to truthful people like how my summer friends always were to me. Summer is the time when I could reinvent things and fix broken ones. I won’t have to worry about anything else then. Just sweet, sweet, blissful peace.

I can’t wait to be exposed to more of my vice, my addiction, my alcohol, the solution to MY problems – watching movies, nearly deafening my poor tinnitus-harmed ears by listening to angsty Kelly Clarkson Rock songs from her album “My December” (like “How I Feel” and of course, “Never Again”. Grunge rock is my kinda rock), watching Britney Spears dance endlessly and disgustingly on the pole in her infectious song/video “Gimme More”, loving my portable DVD (which I officially, greedily declare mine now) for giving me the chance to watch two complete seasons of “Ghost Whisperer” and 1 season of “Supernatural”, and watching MORE and MORE of Giuliana Rancid (formerly de Pandi) and Ryan Seacrest each day.

But the little road trip I had, which I clearly don’t wanna talk about because SERIOUSLY, wasn’t enough to suffice my vice. Now I feel like a vampire. On the prowl…I apparently lost SO much blood and life.

The thing is, I am sick. Like so damned sick of drama. You wanna know how sick I am? I’d rather - never mind.

I will move on. I will forget the people who scarred wounded marks on my blistering heart. I will forget the ones who sprung from the ground and staked me (like a vampire) even though I don’t need to forget them because I’m forgetful enough to force myself to be able to forget them and leave finally forgettable (that won’t make sense, don’t analyze it. If ever you analyze it, it’s NOT the one in my head).

Those people gained from me. Those people gained from me and at the same time poured melted horse dung on my head after they gained from me. Call that stupid. Call that pathetic. Call that humanity. I would never trust people like them.

Who are they? Them?

There’s no point guessing who they are because you’ll get it wrong. Don’t figure this post out, world! You will only get it wrong. You ALWAYS get it wrong, world – sometimes I…I don’t even know if I really deserve to live in this world. There’s no point explaining or helping you understand what you cannot understand. No point.

But who are they? Them?

People you cannot trust – there’s a lot. There are a lot of people you can’t trust in the world. And I was stupid enough to trust them. BUT I will trust people LIKE THEM again in the near future – I know myself. The more I fall, the more I…never mind (again).

Some people like me are just better off alone.

And by “alone”, I meant with someone who also WANTS to be alone BUT with me. Like my summer friends… Damn. Maybe I should just transfer to their schools. More elite. More private. More bitchy (bitches there are bitches like me so we get along!).

But I don’t regret being in CKSC. Not one bit. Not one bit.

People have limits. You have yours. I have mine. And I have exceeded mine.

Just imagine a train wreck. It goes and it goes, it stops and goes boom!

(That was a disturbing mental image…ignore.)

So…if you could feel my lack of spice, give me spice. Cheer me up. Intoxicate me with more.

And by the way, as I end this post, I officially declare myself moved on.

(I told myself if I were to write a post about it, I would have had gone over it)

Here I am.

Peace, world.

I have moved forward. : )