Requiem

I joined the DLSU...and I LOST! But it's okay, I'd anticipated the loss days prior, anyway. And I'm glad I didn't join the Battle of the Brains too - it just proved that even what I wanted the most couldn't hinder me from self-satisfaction.

So I guess, I'm good. I've really matured.... OH and KEVS! Congratulations for winning the Battle of the Brains! I think you were the most humble person in the bunch... humility deserves awards and recognition. Not to mention, you really ARE good at your craft. (Is there prize money?)

Btw, this is my 151st post. And I guess, it'll be one of my last. A certain kind of maturity has obliged me to make a new blog. This time, though, I'm not deleting this. In fact, this'll always be here - always, always, always. I want to keep my past in tune with my present.

Of Decisions, Choices... and Hurt Part 2

When it comes right down to it, I guess there's no such thing as being the jack of all trades. It simply is farfetched. I can't be a writer and at the same time a brainy geek. I think this is God's way of telling me that I can't be two things at the same time.




For the record, peeps, I'm flipping The Coin.

Of Decisions, Choices... and Hurt

I have to make a decision tonight.

On January 31, 2009, the Battle of the Brains and the DLSU Eco-Art Competition will take place at the same time (but not at the same place). The thing is, I don't know which to choose.

I know, I know, it may seem to be easy, simple...whatever. But for me, it's different.

Case 1: Battle of the Brains

The truth is, I wanna win the Battle of the Brains because, of course, of the title. Duh. And I want to prove people wrong. They (as in my "supportive" "classmates" and "friends") kept saying: "Si Aldric naman mananalo diyan eh! Obvious naman eh!", "Magaling yan si Aldric, kayang-kaya niya yan!"

And I'm so hurt.

Kasi... mas mataas score ko sa Philippine History, Asian History, World History, General Info and Current Events kaysa sa kanya...Math lang naman kasi eh (which he downright perfected). And it's so fucking unfair. People automatically ajudge that the valedictorian would win any contest he'd join. (But, as luck would have it, no valedictorians have ever won the BoB before.)

Thank GOODNESS for Ellyn, Cha, and Mollie! The THREE people who were uber-supportive of my fetish for history... ang Cha was so rooting for me! She said I was really gonna win. Cha, I love you. I really do. You deserve a shelf of Chick-Lit books, Cha. I can't explain how supportive she was! I MEAN IT. Like, everyday, there're words of support. Really, I can't explain. And Ellyn! She may not have Cha's ways of reminding me that I could really ace it, but you can tell how SINCERE she is. Sincerity, amidst a sea of drama, is heaven.

Why do I want to win? Because I want to redeem my title. I've won Social Science/Gen Info competitions before (outside the school - back when I was still in Sakya) and I want to prove that YES, I'm GREAT. I'm GOOD. I'm BETTER. Call me insecure, but it's just my true feelings. Nakakainis kasi, left and right, iisa lang ang naririnig kong statement. It's like you KNOW you're better. But you can't prove it.

Of course, since, as you can see, I'm TOO confident about this, it would be VERY HARD for me to accept defeat.

You know why else I wanna win? Because of the rewards at stake. If I win, since I'm a FIVE-er, I'm gonna have the chance to join interschool competitions like the REAL Battle of the Brains, quiz bees, other stuff.

Case 2: DLSU Writing Competition

You know, I was so keen on joining the BoB because I thought I really was going to win... but because of the lack of support my "FRIENDS" give me, it kinda dragged me down....Parang, you're down because they're down for you.. Sabi pa nga nung isa: "Mag-DLSU ka na lang. Magaling si aldric eh so maliit chance na manalo." it's like FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. Why does everybody automatically ASSUME that he's going to win? Let me get this straight, I've NOTHING against him. He's my friend. And if he reads this, I hope he understands that I'm pissed at other people's judgment, not at him.


The whole dragging down thing kinda made me want to choose DLSU. Top that off with Julie Diane's and Mr. Delos Reyes' EFFECTIVE, EFFORTLESS CONVINCING (and nagging), I kind of want to join the DLSU now. And I know THE TOPIC VERY WELL. The theme's gonna be all about MY OP-ED (which I'd so carefully written because I wanted to win a Yuyitung). So there. Besides, if I lose the Battle, it's gonna be really hard for me.

THIS SUCKS.


Guys, PLEASE DO COMMENT ON THIS DECISION-MAKING THING before I head to rehab.



Hey, maybe I should just ditch both contests?

I Can't Think of a Title

It's 1:05 AM in my clock, as of now. And I wanna cry myself to sleep.

Sadly (no pun intended), I can't cry.


This is so tragic.


Is this what they call depression?

Reclusion, Thy Name is I

I feel like one of those old, sick, dying book characters tormented writers write about.

I got the old feel in the pockets. My environment, it seems to me, is antique. Some of my "friends" have faded into the background of an old 50's movie that will presumably be forgettable. My previous "passions" (can't believe I just used the word in plural form) have dissolved into a new (old, actually) kind of impasse...one that I can't explain thoroughly because I don't understand much either. I feel like I just lived and excruciatingly survived 9 lifetimes.

And my birthday is fast-approaching.


So yeah, I feel old.



I am a human disease stick. My life energy is currently getting sucked up by random whirlpools that come in the forms of "friends", enemies and ... internal factors (like too much anxiety, paranoia and hypochondria). Literally, I AM a human disease stick. Today's just 4 days since my high fever bid adieu to my body...and I've already relapsed. Right now, I'm coughing. My throat feels as if a meter stick of a rose with bloody thorns had stuck to it. And there's an overall feeling of dizziness. Alas, my vertigo attacks!

And I feel like...puking which is as rare as Mowgli's syndrome. (Mowgli's syndrome is rare, right?)


So yeah, I feel sick.



I define life as an equilibrium of...things. Now that my social life has gone off the hook, I'm dead. Or at least, part of me is dead. Or maybe dying. Truth is, I don't really know. I've got heaps of problems again. I vow to anticipate the first few weeks of January from now on. Something tragic always happens weeks before my birthday. The weighing scales of my life have either burst because of obesity or anorexia. I know, I know. I could get sued for my choice of words. But getting sued is actually better than facing drama that my "friends" have bequeathed me (let's just substitute the word "bequeathed" with the word "BETRAYED" - all caps) with. How big of a fool am I, anyway? I've had let these "friends" betray me before and I've done so AGAIN. I should be awarded for this!

And this is the part where I hate them all for being so defensive for something wrong they did. They should be condemned for doing this to me. I should be hanged for being the most used person in the planet.


So yeah, I feel like I'm dying.



I always tell people: "I have a life!" ...which translates to: My life is near bliss because it's packed with a social life, a family life, a spiritual life, a career (life), a whatever life... you name it, I'm too old, sick, and dying to type.


...but I guess, sometimes, it's actually a plus to not have a life.


Still...


I HAVE A LIFE!

Revenge is Sweeter (Than You Ever Were)

Mark their words: Nemo me impune lacessit "No one harms me with impunity." Yes, that's The Cask of Amontillado to you.

Never have I ever found myself thinking about vengeance...vendetta... revenge...I'd always thought that anyone's (given that he did wrong) conscience would avenge the victim.

But sometimes, revenge gets to you in the weirdest way possible.

Are there two kinds of revenge: good and bad revenge?

Is doing the right thing revenge?

Is it revenge when it's justifiable (logically and rationally speaking)?

Is it still revenge when you're doing "it" to protect someone, say, future successors?

I don't know.

But, seriously, who knows?

These things are beyond dictionary's definition. Moreover, these things are beyond juvenile experiences.

But, readers, if you hear something in the near future that relates to ME, the thought of revenge, the thought of righteousness and morality (like a scandal), refer back to this little post.

The scandal's gonna explode like a tiny bomb. Let's just wait and see.






Only time will tell.

Sinequanone

I added another link to the "Simply Irresistible" Add-On on my sidebar.

Retail therapy will forever be my therapy.


Anyway, here's the new fashion brand I'm obsessing about. It's kind of like Zara, but I think they only differ when it comes to the fabric. Zara's fabric comes from France and Spain. Sinequanone's? I don't know yet. Truth is, I haven't bought anything from this store (yet)...and maybe I will on my birthday (that's January 28, people!)


Where was I? Oh, yeah, I haven't bought anything from this store yet BUT it's all over magazines and haute couture websites so I'm UP for it.


In case you're wondering, sinequanone is actually a Latin word (well, they modified it a bit.) Sine Qua Non is the real deal. It means "(a condition) without which it could not be".

I've no idea how THAT could relate to fashion!


Disclaimer: To my male readers, fret not! I will not continue to barrage your eyes with female power-infused blog posts (not soon, anyway).


HAVE A GREAT DAY!

I'm Corny

Ich liebe Dich




Ik hou van jou




Jag alskar dig




Je t'aime




Te amo




Ti amo



















I love you.

Fuck You and Your Pride

I suggest you read these three posts first before proceeding to read THIS: click here, here and here.

All three of 'em are directed to someone I called: "Miss Emo". And I bet 90% of my readers out there know who she is if I would say her name here out loud - she's a Shekian.

The three posts were written in (obvious) anger months and months and months ago (seems like years to me, actually) but things haven't changed. It's not that I don't do a single kilogram of effort ever, it's just that Miss Emo and I just don't "click".

So now, we're in an impasse.

In the meantime, Miss Emo the 2nd is sprouting. And I won't call her "Miss Emo". She's a lot older, kasi eh. I dub "Miss Emo the 2nd" to be: "Queen of All Emos". Iyan. She deserves it.

What she doesn't deserve at all is what she has right now: credit, "honor", "nobility".

Why doesn't she deserve that?

She's a fucking hater.

Ode to the Queen:

Is that what people call "responsibility" nowadays? Presiding by means of power and executing the tyranny of false virtues? Responsible na ba ngayon ang pag-iiwan ng tasks and duty lying on the fucking floor, waiting for the dustbunnies to fucking eat 'em to death?

"Thoughtful" na ba ang paggawa ng isang bagay na MUKHANG bukal sa puso...but deep inside kumukulo ang dugo mo sa paggawa non?

Is doing THAT to your grandmother "respect"? You told me once that you had a menacingly strong aversion towards your grandmother. You told me once that this grandmother did wrong things. You told me once that this grandmother has made a lot of mistakes. Ask yourself this before I put your brain into the oven: To whom did she do the wrong things to? To whom were the mistakes attributed to? Sa iyo ba? Ganyan na ba ang respect ngayon? Binabastos mo siya eh. Sure, she has made a lot of mistakes. Sure, she's done a lot of wrong things. But she did those "things" as a PERSON not as a GRANDMOTHER. Right now, you're treating her as a PERSON, not as YOUR GRANDMOTHER. Your grandmother needs to be respected - like it or not.

People make mistakes. And just because those mistakes don't make the path to YOUR journey CLEARER doesn't mean you should curse them to hell.

I see you're jealous of me. Lantad na. Hindi na kailangang itago. It's forever etched in my memory - but that doesn't mean I won't forgive you. Even though I saw the intense emotions you channeled that day - the day when material possessions grabbed a GOOD hold of you. Sabi mo pa nga (this I will never forget): "IKAW! HA! Kahit nagrerebelde ka nakukuha mo lahat ng gusto mo!"

That was so random. That was so sudden. Hindi mo machachannel ang isang bagay na ganoon ka-intense kung wala kang pinagkuhanan niyan. Hindi ka makagagawa ng intense emotion like that within just a blink of your fugly eyes. Kaya. You know what that means? That means despite ALL the trust I'd given you, you'd been boiling wrath, irate bubbles inside your arterial chambers.

Ang trust kapag nawala, mahirap nang ibalik.

Bakit ayaw mo akong pabayaan? Bakit laging pinakekelaman mo yaong downfall ko? You're like one of those media-mongers. Like a paparazzo. Waiting for people to fall flat on their faces to get a good snapshot which in turn will wind up all around the globe. But no, yours isn't the globe. Yours is your heart. In short, bawat pagkakamali ng tao, sinu-scrutinize mo sa puso mo. Masama yan. Hindi yan healthy. Sino ka? Si Poodle? Papatayin ka ng insecurities mo sooner or later.

You can't find well-being from a person's mistakes. That, my friends, is why the world is at par with hell.

Nahulog mo gamit ko. I said: "FUCK!" Obvious namang pinaghirapan ko yung ginagawa kong cut-outs di ba?

Wala ka man lang sorry?

Ah, "sorry". I remember, you've never said a sincere "sorry" to anyone else in this universe.

Remember your best friend? Didn't he say sorry? What did you say in return?

Wala.

Pride.

Pride mo.

Fuck you and your pride.

Why are you so fucking mad at the world anyway? You're JUST like Miss Emo but on a slighlty different angle. When I told you about Miss Emo, you were all: "Ang irrational nya." So are you.

When your mom said (in a reprimanding, serious, mad voice): "May topak ka ata ah!"

Queen: "May topak talaga ako!"

So why aren't you changing it?

You see your fault right THERE. Do you change it? No. You sit on your arse and wait for the world to turn its axis. You're hoping... for the world to COVER and BURY your mistakes, flaws and faults.

That's not gonna happen. Never. Ever.

You are the most irrational person I've ever met. You think you're otherwise. You think you're perfect.


Masyadong mataas yang pride mo. Hindi ko ma-reach.

Why do you hate the world so much? If you give me a GREAT answer to that, I will never bug you again.

Definitely, it's not because you grew up in a dysfunctional family. I grew up in a dysfunctional family my own but I don't hate the world.

Hindi rin ako KJ.

Hindi ko rin binabastos ang sister ko. I don't treat her like shit the way you do.

I never talk crap about her behind my back. I'm no nark. But you?

Puro na lang side comments!

Is that the rational way to behave?

I hate the ones like you. Yaong mga pakealamera. Before you go bitching on someone else's life, world, physical looks, intellectual capactiy, emotional status, soul, spirit, personality, attitude,characteristics and VALUES, look at yourself in the mirror.

You might even see a reflection that isn't as wretched as the Devil's face... You might see something a tad bit more revolting. Your pride.

Oh, the Pain!

I'm suffering from a freaking migraine.

It started in Math period. Ma'am Del Valle came in, I had to take a seatwork (special seatwork to make up for my days absent). Sine Law. Ambiguous Case. Piece of cake. Especially now that I'm going good at Math again. Started recalling formulas.

Something punched me in the head (specifically, left temple). After that, started feeling as if someone's drilling my noggins. Finished seatwork. Tech Lab. Practical Test. Finished it last week but Ma'am said it had errors. Rechecked. Four times. Realized my only mistake was this: i wrote "lb3.caption". Freaking typo. Sheeesh. "lbl3.caption" dapat. Crap.

Head pounding pounding pounding pounding

4:05PM - Still had errands to do. Head is exploding.

5:15 PM - Went home. Ate. Head-pounding appeased.

6:00 PM - Watched TV. Turned it off immediately. Freaking head is getting drilled by mini-elves.

7:00 PM - Slept (with iPod on) in hopes of ridding the headache.

8:00 PM- Woke up. Head-pounding stronger than ever.

Now, I'm here. I'm supposed to pull a no-sleeper tonight - to finish things that need to be finished. This is going to result to mental stress so I think I'm going to die tonight. Wish me luck!

I wanna get rid of my head right now.

I mean it.

*BOOM*

The Shadow of the Wind

Despite the mounting To-Do lists on my desk here at home, I procrastinate.

Procrastination, thy name is me!

Part of the whole procrastination process was reading "The Shadow of the Wind" by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. Yes, just judging from his name, he's Spanish. I've been trying to avoid Spanish authors since forever for this purpose: Fear. You ask: "Fear of what? Fear FOR what?"

Fear that I might get disappointed.

... of the Spanish culture, the Spanish people, and Spain. I expect a lot from European countries, after all. And if you know my middle name, you'd know that I really AM Spanish... that part (a quarter, actually) of my identity is the lingering European blood.

My maternal grandfather, the wisest person I've ever met/seen/heard about, was actually what we've studied in Philippine history books. He was brought up to society by Americans and he learned a lot of languages thanks to what remained to be the Thomasites. He even had pictures of those Americans with him!

My maternal grandfather's grandfather was once a Gov-General. Yes, yes, that kind.

So now. Back to the present. When I was in elem, in my previous school, I thought my family was the weirdest family in the universe. My mother talked differently. My mother acted differently. And obviously, my mother thought differently. I was a kid then. I guess my resolute thought for this was because my family, unlike my classmates' families, is intelligent. Heck, I was top in my class. I took this for granted. I accepted that we were different. But I didn't want to be different. I wanted to BE smart and at the same time BE normal. (Now, aged 15, I realize that being smart and being normal are two points that'd never be on the same plain.)

When I transferred to CKSC (where I met y'all: Kevs, Daniel, Fleur, etc etc), I got to know a few people. Elaine. Mollie. Cha. And when I say "I got to know", I really mean: I dived into their family lives. When I resurfaced, I realized: Hey, I'm in a new school, I'm surrounded by smart people and yet I am STILL different. What the heck?

I learned that their families never fought and reprimanded kids the way my family did. I learned that they didn't speak certain words. I learned that their parents didn't come from families that were as broken as the families my parents came from.

Come my junior year, still the same thing. As of now, I've had made bonds with Eunice, Paul, Jake, Kenny, Beni, Aldric, Elaine, Mollie, Cha, Fleur, Arianne, Nuevo, Camille, Jasmine, Aibee, Roy, Bea... the list goes on, seriously... and so far, none of their families are as different as mine. It's like my family's the weirdest or something!

Then... I read the book by the Spanish author (btw, it's translated to English by Lucia Graves, daughter of poet Robert Graves). It was set in post-war Barcelona.

(I'm not gonna expound on the plot. In fact, I'm not gonna mention the plot!)

I got hooked.

The details...the wordings...the events...the dialogue... they reflected my family.

It was so different from the American novels I had read before... the American novels whose characters' lives I thought were "normal". Yes, I am in blood, Spanish. No Filipino novel, no American novel could ever reflect that!

I AM SPANISH! It's a part of me I've never come to suffice with my everyday doings! It's a part of me that I've never uncovered.

No wonder I'm so inclined to Spanish songs (see profile).

No wonder I'm so inclined to learning Spanish.

No wonder I speak the word "tonta" while the rest of the world would say "tanga!"

No wonder I'd hear my mother talk FRANKLY about things.

I guess, if you really know me and my family troubles which I've mentioned in previous posts, you'd realize that my dysfunctional-family-conflict lies in a cultural barrier. My father is Chinese-Filipino. My mother is Spanish-Filipino. Chinese peeps are conservative. Spanish peeps are more liberal. Chinese peeps are discreet. Spanish peeps are open. Chinese peeps censore a few things. Spanish peeps lay them out in the wild.

And so the inner conflicts of Catherine Tan will forever rage...

It's a bittersweet thing.

I'm not proud to be a Filipino. I'm not proud to be a Chinese. I'm not proud of being Spanish. I'm proud of being all three, all at the same time.

"The Shadow of the Wind" didn't disappoint. It did the opposite. It opened my eyes.

Why I'm Busier than Half of the World (A Quasi-Irrational List)

I dedicate this to Fleur, although I don't know why.

1. Because I only get at most 4 hours of sleep at night.
2. Because while the world sleeps/plays/rests, I toil.
3. Because I am a neurotic, overachieving perfectionist.
4. Because I bitch a lot.
5. Because I nourish my social life on a regular basis.
6. Because for the past 6 months, I've developed an obsession with fashion (Sunday is the sanctified Mall Day - spent nearly P10,000 on coats, hats, tops and pants - yep, we're getting ready for Winter Korea - believe it or not, shopping is tiring)
7. Because I love my job as the editor-in-chief of a nonprofit magazine.
8. Because I love myself as an overachiever (see num 3)
9. Because I can't balance love life, social life, academic life, personal life and career life VERY WELL. In the end, all that I sacrifice is my sleep.
10. Because, accdg to Fleur, I'm a Class A woman, strong and outspoken (and I love her for this)
11. Because I stress too much on worthless stuff.
12. Because I obsess too much on worthless stuff (last week's obsession was ballpoint pens, this week's obsession is multi-colored typewriting paper rims)
13. Because I am blessed with competitions (which makes me very happy to the point of ... ecstasy)
14. Because I spend too much time with my (not short, not fat) iPod Nano (Baby, I love you!)
15. Because I organize too much activities in school.
16. Because I am too preoccupied thinking about boys.
17. Because I hate Twilight.
18. Because I care for my dogs
19. Because I love food a lot
20. Because I buy a lot of gummy stuff (Favorite? Trolli Lips and Teeth)

-end of list-

Not So Fruitful Day

Mouth sore.

Throat hurts.

Panic-stricken.


Shit. I have to revise the whole "Towards a Low Carbon Economy" essay TONIGHT. Thing is, I'm aiming for major revision because, heck, I wanna win. Because winning will levitate my dwindling self-esteem (as of now, my self-esteem is only 45% of my "ideal" esteem - this is uber low when compared to two months ago's 85%). And because winning will prove that I'm no two-hit wonder. Okay, okay, so maybe I am NOT a two-hit wonder. But seriously? Perfectionists like me are obsessed with winning. And also because winning will not dissappoint the English Department that I have grown to love with passion as intense as Disurbia's lead character's passion. (Disturbia disclaimers, references and allusions end here.)

The crappiest part is, well, sigh, I don't know the topic that much.

Unlike moral degeneration.

Unlike teachers.

Unlike racism.

Unlike philosophy.

Unlike humanity.

Unlike English Literature.

Unlike history.

Unlike academical intellect.

Those above are my fortes. But if you ask me about Chem, Physics, and whatever the hell, I stall. That's because I don't have THAT kind of mind - the kind that memorizes what Ternary Compounds are. The kind that memorizes the list of ions with their corresponding charges.

I'm the kind who reads the news, analyzes the news, digests the news and applies what I read, analyzed and digested into daily life. Yes, I'm a Rennaissance woman. I write, think, speak and sometimes, I even act.

I promote Democratic regulation, not hybrid cars.

I promote the $700 Billion bailout plan, not ethanol whatsoever

Okay, so maybe I promote hybrid cars ethanol. But still. Still. Still. Still. You get the point.

Worse, I can't bring myself to write something that I don't know much of. So do you know what that means? That means I have to thoroughly research about these carbon compounds whatsoever before I could totally revise the essay. And knowing myself to be addicted and obsessed with details, the research will definitely cost me a lot of time. 24 hours, even!

Another bad thing...

I have to do it all tonight.

Why?

Because tomorrow is MALL day. Srsly, I can't sacrifice mall day. It's too sacred.

Besides,


MY THROAT HURTS LIKE HELL!

Those Ain't for Sale Anymore?

Never in a million years would I call myself a pessimist. I ain't one. And I don't wanna be one. And I guess, if you permit me to say, I will never be one.


...but I can't help but think this pessimistic thought: are friends - my friends, in particular - worth it? Are they actually worth fighting for? Are they real friends? When I said "my friends", I specifically meant the ones in my class - the new set of friends. The ones I see and talk to everyday. The ones I help and laugh with.

So yeah, they're there for the good times - the laughs, the smiles, the like.


But they're not there for the bad times. This is how they are when I talk to them: Friend A, he plays his online game, ignoring what I say in YM. Friend B, he laughs a lot (to every word I say, actually) so this isn't actually something that's healthy. Friend C, she judges my character. Friend D, she misinterprets what I say. Friend E, he doesn't know how to use his tongue to utter a word. Friend F isn't there at all. And the list goes on and on and on...

I don't have a great set of friends.

Now I can only rely on the remaining ones (the ones from Tsong San Chia Tsu, some seniors, some sophomores, 3-1 and the Writers' Guild). Particularly Camille. She's been such a nice friend. Listens every time you talk, gives great comments too.

I'm wondering. Good friends aren't for sale anymore? What does "for sale" even mean?

Sheesh.


Friends.


"If you don't have an enemy, make one."
- Some self-help book

Slowly, Gently...

...it's killing me softly.


Four things, my friends, four things. (this doesn't even include schoolwork and all those nasty tests)


1. Oratorical Piece


So I finished it last night.

It sucked, obviously. You can't conjure up a mastermind piece in just one sitting. So I submitted it, it really did suck. Now, I'mma revise it. The problem is, when I try to lift my hand to type up its file name "Mabuhay Ka, Pusong Pinoy", my hands fail me. It's those bodily functions again!

Writers' Block.

Writers' Block.

One word: Heart.

HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO WRITE A FREAKING ORATORICAL PIECE ABOUT A BIOLOGICAL ANATOMY? Can't they just ask me to write anything about.. I don't know,.. corruption? The bull market? The flea market? Euthanasia? Cryptozoology? Psychoanalysis? The Rorscarch Test? ANYTHING BUT BIOLOGICAL, CHEMICAL and... PHYSICAL?

Please! I've been trying to escape the sciences since high school - Biology, Chemistry and soon, Physics. So why do those things keep chasing me even when I'm at cloud nine?

It's 10 PM and the fact that my piece ain't ready yet scares me to death.

This piece needs to be as great as my Infantado piece (or else I'll label my own self a one-hit wonder).

*pwned*

The remaining three will be discussed while I'm stressing about 'em.

Dead This Week. Again.

When is this stress going to end?

You know, I feel blessed and all with being given the opportunities to join various writing competitions. But the pressure from winning the previous ones have been mounting on my back as if I'm a camel.

Things Whose Deadline's Supposed to be Tomorrow
1. Op-Ed - (darn, the topic I chose is too hard for me to handle. for the shekians who are acutally reading, i hope you devour it)

2. Editorial - (I don't write the Editorial without writing my op-ed first)

3. Oratorical Piece for PHA Competition - the theme is all about heart disease (factual oratorical pieces aren't my forte.)

4. Essay for DepEd - the darned "letter" (aka the paper where the peeps supposedly need to put the contest theme and mechanics) DOES not even contain the theme. So how am I supposed to guess what's tumpak and what's not?

5. Endless The Quest Articles - I can't start writing 'em since I have to focus on the 4 above.


Yes, truly, I am blessed. Blessed. Blessed. Blessed. And I truly thank the Lord above. Thank you, God. I appreciate all these blessings.


But ... Can't TIME just stop for me? I barely get my forty winks at night now what with all the tests, the Chinese, the articles and the competitions.


I guess, when you have a current-perfect life, there are major consequences (like eye bags and farewells to beauty sleeps).


I am so tired. I am so sleepy.


Remind me: Need to finish dummy layout this week.


Oh, and I'd like to make a PUBLIC apology to Fleur/Fleuretta for not handing back Ms. Europe for about TWO MONTHS now. Fleur, kill me the moment you see me. I deserve it. For being such an irresponsible friend. I suck, don't I?

>.<

Friggish mother of all fishcakes.

I've been sitting here since the dawn of the new millennium (by that, I mean, I've been sitting here since 10 in the morning *with breakfast, lunch and bath intervals of course*) and I still haven't finished my term paper.

All I have with me is a fat 3,102 words.


I AM PANICKING. I STILL HAVE, LIKE, THE AP REPORT TO DO.


Shoot me!






In case you're wondering, it's 5:45 PM right now.

I Love My Job

Crunch time once and again in the press room! Papers everywhere - files everywhere. Copy room's occupied. Editors busy. Editor-in-chief having coffee, preparing to pull an all-nighter.

In my dreams!

Gah. I wish I could live that life. If I could be a pro editor-in-chief of a magazine, I'd be the happiest girl in the universe. It's my dream. I wouldn't care if I'd pull a thousand all-nighters. I just wanna live the life.

But who's to say that my current life isn't like that? *brag mode. lol* That I, as the editor-in-chief of one of the most competent publications in Chinatown, doesn't gulp coffee in preparing to pull all-nighters?

Hey, I'm feeding my head balloon tanks of my own ego here. LOL. Forgive me for that.

Well, anyway, even though the stress is overwhelming like crazy, I can cope. Because I am motivated. Because I love what I do. Because I am driven only by those to things: motivation and passion. I'm drawn to the job so much - its positivities and negativities. Socialization. Friends. Drama. Photoshoots. Pictorials. Spreads. Fashion. Seminars. Politics. Philosophy. Psychology. Writing. Interviews. Life. Experiences. Photos. Stress. Editing. Field Trips. Documents. Layouting. Dummy prints. Mastheads. Articles.


And everything else.

"Articles? They will never stop coming," said Mr. Delos Reyes - my Guild adviser and Journalism Guru. When he said that, I realized it. He was right. He was so right. Those things will never stop coming!


I'll be seeing myself soon...in five years or so... in a magazine. A hotshot magazine.

Urge-Stifling

I may be academically degenerating but my life smarts are increasing each day (do I have the right to say that? *Laughs out loud*).

Well, see, I was researching about my topic for our English paper and realized I should base my facts from my previous Editorial "Stupid is the New Smart". But wait, before I go on, do you have any idea what my topic is? Come on! Guess! It's easy. It's obvious!

Moral Degeneration.

*Dies laughing*


If you refer to a LOT of my previous posts, you'd realize how obsessed I am with those two words. Hey, Mrs. Ong was the one who chose that! I gave her a list of topics (said list includes Sarah Palin and McCain, of course), but I have no idea why she chose that one.

So. Stupid is the New Smart. I started reading the first line.

"When a juvenile is approached..."

Eek. I died even before I finished reading the whole paragraph. HOW TRITE COULD I HAVE BEEN? WHY HAD I WRITTEN CRAP? Was that really JUST a year ago? HAS MY WRITING EVOLVED THIS MUCH? I CAN'T BELIEVE I PUBLISHED CRAP LAST YEAR - ON MY EDITORIAL, EVEN!

I can't believe how improved my writing now is. Now, I'm more... rational. Thankfully. Goodbye, Miss Trite. Hello, Hopeful.

I guess my writing's improved because I am improved.

Ya know what they say, writing isn't about vocab, grammar and putting those two both. It's about the writer's mind.

I Heart Sarah Palin

I'm not supposed to be doing this - I'm supposed to be studying.. but NO... I just skirmish around Lindsay Lohan's MySpace page (she comments on Sarah Palin)... and then scroll down... and then POOF! I see haters all around bashing her, saying that she has no RIGHT to judge Sarah Palin.

Before I dismantle my inner nuclear bomb, I need to now organize my thoughts.

Well, first off, Sarah Palin is a damn politician. People, in nature, have the RIGHT to comment on their potential-future-leader.

Second, those people who commented on her blog, I know for a fact, DISLIKE Sarah Palin (seriously, who doesn't? LOL I'm kidding!) but bash Lindsay just for the kinks of it.

The worst comment a hater said was that Lindsay was judging Sarah Palin and that Linds MUST grow up now.

Listen, hater: Polish your grammar first before you go on ranting, okay?

Back to that topic. JUDGMENT.

THAT'S THE PROBLEM, PEEPS! PEOPLE do not know the fine lines among OPINION, JUDGMENT AND VERBAL ATTACK! I bet these people don't even know that there is such a thing as a "fine line".

These people are the scourges of moral degeneraion.

Moral degeneration, people. Moral degeneration.

It's not that I'm biased because I basically LOVE Lindsay Lohan. I'm being morally intact here. And rational.

Freedom of Speech. Harassment.

Verbal Attack. Judgement. Opinion.

This is an example of a verbal attack: They don't teach those things in school, my fair dimwits (*refers to the haters*). They don't teach those in school... is that why you don't know 'em?

(It's a verbal attack since I used the word "dimwit")

Well, damn with the torpedoes, full speed ahead.

Freedom of Speech. Harassment.

Vebal Attack. Judgement. Opinion.

Do you know how to differentiate them?

Hmpf.

I'll differentiate them for you when I'm not busy building my morals and intellect.

I'll differentiate them and I bet you a million bucks...

So now what.. You're gonna say that I'm judging all of you? Now you're gonna be saying that I'm verbally attacking you?

What close-minded angles!