Revenge is Sweeter (Than You Ever Were)

Mark their words: Nemo me impune lacessit "No one harms me with impunity." Yes, that's The Cask of Amontillado to you.

Never have I ever found myself thinking about vengeance...vendetta... revenge...I'd always thought that anyone's (given that he did wrong) conscience would avenge the victim.

But sometimes, revenge gets to you in the weirdest way possible.

Are there two kinds of revenge: good and bad revenge?

Is doing the right thing revenge?

Is it revenge when it's justifiable (logically and rationally speaking)?

Is it still revenge when you're doing "it" to protect someone, say, future successors?

I don't know.

But, seriously, who knows?

These things are beyond dictionary's definition. Moreover, these things are beyond juvenile experiences.

But, readers, if you hear something in the near future that relates to ME, the thought of revenge, the thought of righteousness and morality (like a scandal), refer back to this little post.

The scandal's gonna explode like a tiny bomb. Let's just wait and see.






Only time will tell.

I Love My Job

Crunch time once and again in the press room! Papers everywhere - files everywhere. Copy room's occupied. Editors busy. Editor-in-chief having coffee, preparing to pull an all-nighter.

In my dreams!

Gah. I wish I could live that life. If I could be a pro editor-in-chief of a magazine, I'd be the happiest girl in the universe. It's my dream. I wouldn't care if I'd pull a thousand all-nighters. I just wanna live the life.

But who's to say that my current life isn't like that? *brag mode. lol* That I, as the editor-in-chief of one of the most competent publications in Chinatown, doesn't gulp coffee in preparing to pull all-nighters?

Hey, I'm feeding my head balloon tanks of my own ego here. LOL. Forgive me for that.

Well, anyway, even though the stress is overwhelming like crazy, I can cope. Because I am motivated. Because I love what I do. Because I am driven only by those to things: motivation and passion. I'm drawn to the job so much - its positivities and negativities. Socialization. Friends. Drama. Photoshoots. Pictorials. Spreads. Fashion. Seminars. Politics. Philosophy. Psychology. Writing. Interviews. Life. Experiences. Photos. Stress. Editing. Field Trips. Documents. Layouting. Dummy prints. Mastheads. Articles.


And everything else.

"Articles? They will never stop coming," said Mr. Delos Reyes - my Guild adviser and Journalism Guru. When he said that, I realized it. He was right. He was so right. Those things will never stop coming!


I'll be seeing myself soon...in five years or so... in a magazine. A hotshot magazine.

The ABC's of Life

And now I shall venture into teaching.

But before that, I shall give you a list of vocabulary words... make sure you understand them thoroughly, know them by heart, and apply them appropriately.

Voc. List # 1

1. responsibility - when I say something, I make it a point that I live up to it.

Example Sentence: Her damned friends failed to fulfill their responsibility to show up for a group meeting that should have had taken place last Wednesday.

2. friend - someone I can talk to anywhere, anyhow, anytime.

Example Sentence: She has very few friends because many of her old friends weren't friends at all.

Another Example Sentence: She doesn't want a "best friend", a "close friend" or a "best friend forever" - she just wants someone she can call a friend sans the quotation marks.

3. emo - someone who hates the world and is proud during that process

Example Sentence: All of her friends are emo.

4. friendless - someone whose friends resolved to abandonment

Example Sentence: She used to feel loved by her "close friends", but now feels friendless.

5. immaturity - "I am stupid and I don't know anything about the real world"

Example Sentence: Her friends succumb to immaturity and therefore she became friendless.

6. friendship - the most overrated abstract thing in the universe

Example Sentence: Her life is ruined by friendship.

7. frankness - what the world needs to be perfect; to accept the truth and to be the truth

Example Sentence: Her friends rejected any form of frankness.

8. listen - the ability to lend one's ears wholeheartedly to someone who is in the process of self-expression

Example Sentence: One thing her friends failed to do is to listen.

9. stupidity - the inability to think like a morally and emotionally intellectual human being.

Example Sentence: Her friends may be academically inclined, but if there's one thing they're really, really good at, it's stupidity.

10. smart - someone who knows life outside the Chemistry/Biology/Physics/Geometry/Trigonometry/ Chinese History/Chinese Literature books

Example Sentence: She has only one smart friend.

11. superficiality - "Look at me, I'm hot, I'm sexy, I'm fashionable, I'm perfect. I'm just like one of those girls you see on 'Girls Gone Wild'"; "Look at me, I watch TV shows all day and that's the only thing I care about - minus, of course, my perfect looks."; "I'm a party girl, in a party world."

Example Sentence: If there's one thing she doesn't want her friends to go into, it's superficiality (but sadly, it's too late).

12. human being - a creature that, in general, sees, thinks and feels the real side of things.

Example Sentence: Are her friends human beings?

YKWYA (You Know Who You Are)

My angst is more intense than the dire problems of the country. This is angst overridden. This is angst exposed - without fins, scales, skins or masks. This is MY angst. And I'll bequeath you with nothing, nothing at all except for this angst!

Did God intend his creations NOT to be made of the finest materials - not of marble, not of bronze, not of gold - BUT of the most rotten foibles? I doubt so for I highly respect God.

Do you intend to expunge superficiality - not propriety? I am questioning your choices. After all, you know what they say - it's your choices that show you who you are, far more than your abilities.

Dearest Friends,

I wanted to tell you a thousand things - a thousand things worth-knowing. Positive ones! Negative ones! But did you deign to listen? No. You said you didn't want to. It implied that you didn't want to get hurt. The problem is, I wasn't even trying to get you hurt in the first place. Even if I did, the positive after-effect would be: your strength not mine.

I've been a friend of yours for a long time now! Listening is the only gift I wanted you to present to me! It was the only gift I wanted - the gift I longed for as a kid, the gift I yearned to unwrap during Christmas or any given Sunday. But it was the one gift that you couldn't give me. I've helped you with a lot of things. I've helped you with your inner psyche. And all I wanted was for you to listen. Just please, please listen. If it wouldn't be too materialistic of me to bask under the light of this non-existent gift... But you didn't give me this gift. Perhaps it was too expensive? Perhaps...?

Our inconsistencies have left a huge gap on my outlook towards you. I don't like you anymore. It may sound like the most hypocritical thing but really - I don't like you anymore. I don't want to be with you. Even if I'd want to be with you, it's because of old times' sake. I don't really need old times' sake with someone who was "not there" since the old times, right?

The worst part is, the opposite just happened. Instead of me hurting you, you hurt me. Now I'm trying to drown any forms of life with my music.

When you come back, oh, I don't know. Will I be gone? Will I partake in this mutilated friendship? Will I sink? What will happen?

Nothing happens unless we talk. Unless you give me that gift.

But right now I don't think I want to take it anymore.

If I Were Queen of the World...

I'd


Make


It


Perfect.



I'd


Build


Utopia.


I'd


Care


About


All


of


You.

What a Life, What a Friend, What a Year, What the Heck?

"Levemente cada vez que el viento sopla te respiro"

I don't speak fluent Spanish but I know what that Spanish line means (it means "lightly, every time the wind blows, I breathe you" - I breathe myself. I need to) ; and I consequently breathe that into myself for reasons I care not to elaborate.

It's 10: 12 PM in my clock (it's either late or in advance, not exactly the right time) and the night breeze does me nothing but make me feel uneasy. Particularly because of medical reasons - I'm scared and I honestly have no idea when this feeling would go away. This time, it's not because of that "sickness" I used to mention. I just worry too much. One small stone falls out of place and I turn the prob into a hard rock. This is bad. This is anxiety. I'm not even supposed to be using the Net right now but I lust for time to reflect.

I feel like something's so wrong. I feel like something's gonna fall apart soon. Or maybe it's because of this stupid medical thing. Screw health. Screw it, damn. I remember particularly telling myself to lay off caring for my HEALTH. Yet now. Oh now. I do the opposite. I think I'm supposed to be doing something else right now. Worrying is waste. Worrying makes haste. Worrying sucks! I really don't need this right now. Just please let this go away.

I don't want drama.

Breathe. "Levemente cada vez que el viento sopla te respiro."

Let's change topics.

Let's talk about what I love to talk about here in my blog: my life. (*insert Gossip Girl's voice tone here*) Fictional Autobiography where everything might be fact and anything might be fiction.

Dramarama - it was supposed to be this movie that LL was supposed to film and produce but when she ditched the whole Teen Queen gig, it was ditched. Now, I'm sayin', if you make my life a movie that would be it. Drama would be it. What I learned from Lindsay is this: The actress makes the drama. I make my own drama. In fact, I have a whole factory producing coats, hats and all sorts of chains made purely of Golden Drama. So I got into this Summer Class thing - I care not elaborate - and in the midst of it, there, laying like a Golden Buddha, Drama just poofed, voila-ed, and showed itself like a camouflaged snake. Some friend you are. Yes, a friend. Our friendship won't last. It's teetering on its wheel now. Uggh. I'm talking about my imaginary friend (*insert sarcastic voice*) who does nothing but change for the worse. Some friendships just don't last. Just look at LC and Heidi (eww) Montag. They weren't even the best of friends...

But I believe that some best friends are forever. When luck just chases you both away and Destiny brings you guys as friends again...

This isn't just the right thing. We fall apart even though we don't want to fall apart - from each other. Even though we still wanna be friends (I'm talking about my imaginary friend here, not the best friend). What does that say about our friendship?

Somehow, I don't want to answer that. You and I both know that this ain't gonna work. Destiny doesn't want it to happen. But I could say that we both tried.

Let's see what happens next summer - when we see each other again.

Change topics again.

This school year is gonna be full of "I Don'ts and I'm Nots"

1. I don't want drama
2. I'm not gonna cry and shed a single tear over something stupid and trifle (like a love story)
   
3. I'm not takin' much responsibilities - it's time to be...
4. I'm not gonna abuse technology and sleep with it (look what happened to me - cue sickness - w/in a span of 10 months)
5. I'm not gonna be able to (oh gasp) listen to my iPod for an hour anymore (cue stupid sickness)
6. I don't want sleepless nights anymore even though my system clock doesn't stop ticking - which means I'm insomniac
7. I'm not gonna flunk a freaking math test anymore - this I swear with heart, blood, head and paw
8. I'm not gonna waste time playing - time to really grow up

Before I sign off and say "xoxo, you know you love me..." I need to say this: someone's already writing MY fictional autobiography. Watch for it. In shelves sometime in 2015.

LL

Sometimes, things like love and loyalty and all things beginning with the letter L don't last long. They evolve. Or is change a better term?

Love becomes passion. Loyalty becomes love. Lust becomes, eventually, addiction.

Sometimes, though, they evolve for the worse. In short, they devolve. Love becomes longing (to escape). Loyalty becomes rust. Lust becomes a deviation from variety.

That's the theme of the day. Things that worsen. Things that fall apart. Things that break down from utter perfection. Who controls these things? Easy one. Destiny, time, and most of all: you. Yourself. And the person who relates in terms of you.

It's either you make good or make bad.

In my case, stupidity isn't in my resume.

In our case, don't try to fool me with your words. Or manipulative schemes.

I'm not stupid. Whoever you are.

Requiem for a Dream

This is the interlude to cynicism.

Or, dear friends, must I say that this is the postscript to my dead hopes, dreams and delusions to the dark side? The side where, I, of all beings, succumbed to DEATH himself.

You may all have noticed a slight upturn in my style, my gait or my words. But do you see a familiar silhouette behind THESE lines. Yes, the lines you are currently reading? Do you see the "old me" somewhere here? The "me" that you hated, despaired and ... mocked? DO YOU?

Well, I do hope so. Because I see her clearly now.

I threw her away.

I got a new "me".

I threw that "me" away.

I got a new one again this summer. But this "new one" is actually a mixture of the above mentioned two. Minus the transparent sins, flaws, faults, and most of all insecurities. Plus the more innocent, more well-behaved, less procrastinating epitome of a true artist. An artist who is in touch with both reality and fantasy. The former was one I used to blend with the latter.

What I'm basically trying to say is that: If you wanna get to know me, which is a Draconian task, don't judge me from my past. The posts before this post were written by the hateful, dark "me".

Whatever.

In short, I'm an artist and an activist-psychologist at the same time. My sole mission is to help people. Summer is actually the only time I get to help myself. So bear with me, please! I'm also trying to expand my social empire, so, again, bear with me. Puh-leez!

I don't think we're talking about change anymore. Change is change. Change is different.

Now what I'm trying to do is not change. In fact, I'm trying to tell the world that I've changed - that people do change despite what my "fat" sister stated a year ago (she said: "People don't change. They only wear masks.").

I'm proud of myself. I'm my linguistic ego again!

'Tis my postscript:

Goodbye dead dreams, dead hopes, dead fate. With this day, you all will sink in the Waters of Lethe - the favorite place of mine as a kid.

Here I am feasting on a new golden platter - one that I created by myself, while my antediluvian ego mourns in requiem for my ill-disposed dreams.

This is the prelude to divine intervention.