Revenge is Sweeter (Than You Ever Were)

Mark their words: Nemo me impune lacessit "No one harms me with impunity." Yes, that's The Cask of Amontillado to you.

Never have I ever found myself thinking about vengeance...vendetta... revenge...I'd always thought that anyone's (given that he did wrong) conscience would avenge the victim.

But sometimes, revenge gets to you in the weirdest way possible.

Are there two kinds of revenge: good and bad revenge?

Is doing the right thing revenge?

Is it revenge when it's justifiable (logically and rationally speaking)?

Is it still revenge when you're doing "it" to protect someone, say, future successors?

I don't know.

But, seriously, who knows?

These things are beyond dictionary's definition. Moreover, these things are beyond juvenile experiences.

But, readers, if you hear something in the near future that relates to ME, the thought of revenge, the thought of righteousness and morality (like a scandal), refer back to this little post.

The scandal's gonna explode like a tiny bomb. Let's just wait and see.






Only time will tell.

Fuck You and Your Pride

I suggest you read these three posts first before proceeding to read THIS: click here, here and here.

All three of 'em are directed to someone I called: "Miss Emo". And I bet 90% of my readers out there know who she is if I would say her name here out loud - she's a Shekian.

The three posts were written in (obvious) anger months and months and months ago (seems like years to me, actually) but things haven't changed. It's not that I don't do a single kilogram of effort ever, it's just that Miss Emo and I just don't "click".

So now, we're in an impasse.

In the meantime, Miss Emo the 2nd is sprouting. And I won't call her "Miss Emo". She's a lot older, kasi eh. I dub "Miss Emo the 2nd" to be: "Queen of All Emos". Iyan. She deserves it.

What she doesn't deserve at all is what she has right now: credit, "honor", "nobility".

Why doesn't she deserve that?

She's a fucking hater.

Ode to the Queen:

Is that what people call "responsibility" nowadays? Presiding by means of power and executing the tyranny of false virtues? Responsible na ba ngayon ang pag-iiwan ng tasks and duty lying on the fucking floor, waiting for the dustbunnies to fucking eat 'em to death?

"Thoughtful" na ba ang paggawa ng isang bagay na MUKHANG bukal sa puso...but deep inside kumukulo ang dugo mo sa paggawa non?

Is doing THAT to your grandmother "respect"? You told me once that you had a menacingly strong aversion towards your grandmother. You told me once that this grandmother did wrong things. You told me once that this grandmother has made a lot of mistakes. Ask yourself this before I put your brain into the oven: To whom did she do the wrong things to? To whom were the mistakes attributed to? Sa iyo ba? Ganyan na ba ang respect ngayon? Binabastos mo siya eh. Sure, she has made a lot of mistakes. Sure, she's done a lot of wrong things. But she did those "things" as a PERSON not as a GRANDMOTHER. Right now, you're treating her as a PERSON, not as YOUR GRANDMOTHER. Your grandmother needs to be respected - like it or not.

People make mistakes. And just because those mistakes don't make the path to YOUR journey CLEARER doesn't mean you should curse them to hell.

I see you're jealous of me. Lantad na. Hindi na kailangang itago. It's forever etched in my memory - but that doesn't mean I won't forgive you. Even though I saw the intense emotions you channeled that day - the day when material possessions grabbed a GOOD hold of you. Sabi mo pa nga (this I will never forget): "IKAW! HA! Kahit nagrerebelde ka nakukuha mo lahat ng gusto mo!"

That was so random. That was so sudden. Hindi mo machachannel ang isang bagay na ganoon ka-intense kung wala kang pinagkuhanan niyan. Hindi ka makagagawa ng intense emotion like that within just a blink of your fugly eyes. Kaya. You know what that means? That means despite ALL the trust I'd given you, you'd been boiling wrath, irate bubbles inside your arterial chambers.

Ang trust kapag nawala, mahirap nang ibalik.

Bakit ayaw mo akong pabayaan? Bakit laging pinakekelaman mo yaong downfall ko? You're like one of those media-mongers. Like a paparazzo. Waiting for people to fall flat on their faces to get a good snapshot which in turn will wind up all around the globe. But no, yours isn't the globe. Yours is your heart. In short, bawat pagkakamali ng tao, sinu-scrutinize mo sa puso mo. Masama yan. Hindi yan healthy. Sino ka? Si Poodle? Papatayin ka ng insecurities mo sooner or later.

You can't find well-being from a person's mistakes. That, my friends, is why the world is at par with hell.

Nahulog mo gamit ko. I said: "FUCK!" Obvious namang pinaghirapan ko yung ginagawa kong cut-outs di ba?

Wala ka man lang sorry?

Ah, "sorry". I remember, you've never said a sincere "sorry" to anyone else in this universe.

Remember your best friend? Didn't he say sorry? What did you say in return?

Wala.

Pride.

Pride mo.

Fuck you and your pride.

Why are you so fucking mad at the world anyway? You're JUST like Miss Emo but on a slighlty different angle. When I told you about Miss Emo, you were all: "Ang irrational nya." So are you.

When your mom said (in a reprimanding, serious, mad voice): "May topak ka ata ah!"

Queen: "May topak talaga ako!"

So why aren't you changing it?

You see your fault right THERE. Do you change it? No. You sit on your arse and wait for the world to turn its axis. You're hoping... for the world to COVER and BURY your mistakes, flaws and faults.

That's not gonna happen. Never. Ever.

You are the most irrational person I've ever met. You think you're otherwise. You think you're perfect.


Masyadong mataas yang pride mo. Hindi ko ma-reach.

Why do you hate the world so much? If you give me a GREAT answer to that, I will never bug you again.

Definitely, it's not because you grew up in a dysfunctional family. I grew up in a dysfunctional family my own but I don't hate the world.

Hindi rin ako KJ.

Hindi ko rin binabastos ang sister ko. I don't treat her like shit the way you do.

I never talk crap about her behind my back. I'm no nark. But you?

Puro na lang side comments!

Is that the rational way to behave?

I hate the ones like you. Yaong mga pakealamera. Before you go bitching on someone else's life, world, physical looks, intellectual capactiy, emotional status, soul, spirit, personality, attitude,characteristics and VALUES, look at yourself in the mirror.

You might even see a reflection that isn't as wretched as the Devil's face... You might see something a tad bit more revolting. Your pride.

Hello, Blog

Aside from the fact that I'm being eaten by these stupid bugs, everything's going pretty fine.

So right now...

It's basically 1 in the morning. (Don't believe what the "posted on" thingy at the bottom of this post says).

Mouth sore.

Throat hurts.

Bug-bitten.

Not panic-stricken anymore! I'm on to my 1045 words (word count's 1500)! So far, I like what I have. I'm on my third point, and nearing the conclusion. When this whole agony ends, I'd be the happiest person in the universe (...not...)

Shit. A bug just swooped down.

*inspects bug*

I don't even know what kind of bug it is! It's small and WHITE and it FLIES. Eewww. I am so spraying Baygon in this room (the Computer Room) the moment I finish my essay.

Darn. Bugs. Hate 'em all so much.

GAH. Now I'm itching.

My mouth is sore. My throat hurts. My skin is bug-bitten. What else? Death? The Bubonic Plague? Worse, an allergy?!?!?!

NO. Seriously. I've had one too much already. I'm ITCHING!

Great. Now my beloved dogs are chewing my purple Havaianas to death. Well, it's okay actually. I don't like Havaianas anyway. They're the most overrated creatures in this universe. That's exactly why I don't use them outside the house. Yes, peeps. They're JUST SLIPPERS. I don't care how much they cost. They're STILL slippers. Call it flip-flops or not. They're JUST SLIPPERS. (The world officially hates me now).

Seriously, get real shoes.

They're JUST SLIPPERS!

Screw the World

Sudden fit of rage.

Why do people automatically "recognize ""Math and Science Geniuses"?

No, no. Don't answer that. That's a rhetorical question, stupid. Sheesh. Does the world not know how to differentiate rhetoric from non-rhetoric?

Why is it that when you're a math and science person, you get to be automatically deemed as "smart", good in analyzing, logic and critical thinking? Is the world's current basis for "intellect" NUMBERS? STATISTICS? DATA?

No. No. No. A BIG FAT NO.

People don't recognize those that excel in the field of English and Filipino. You see, even when there are awarding ceremonies, people award those that win in Math competitions. Science competitions. Math. Science. Math. What about ... us? The writers? The speakers? The English erudites? The lit lovers? The linguistic quiz bee champions?

See there's this BIG FAT discrimination here in Chiang Kai Shek. Not just CKSC. Even the world. I have proof for this but I'm too enraged to actually type DATA right now. Sure, you need DATA to prove things. But are mathematical and scientific data the only KINDS o' proofs you can garner?

Don't people get it?

When we the linguistic people write our essays, we THINK. We DON'T just put our opinions down. (Well, opinions do root from a brain, you know.) We extract "facts". We digest "facts". We analyze "facts". We avoid logical fallacies that can be extracted from "facts". We apply these "facts". We use our style to encompass these "facts".

So yes. We think critically, logically and analytically.

The moment those Math and Science people write a Pulitzer prize-winning editorial, and get up the stage to speak an award-winning speech, will be the only time that I could consider them "geniuses."

Those Ain't for Sale Anymore?

Never in a million years would I call myself a pessimist. I ain't one. And I don't wanna be one. And I guess, if you permit me to say, I will never be one.


...but I can't help but think this pessimistic thought: are friends - my friends, in particular - worth it? Are they actually worth fighting for? Are they real friends? When I said "my friends", I specifically meant the ones in my class - the new set of friends. The ones I see and talk to everyday. The ones I help and laugh with.

So yeah, they're there for the good times - the laughs, the smiles, the like.


But they're not there for the bad times. This is how they are when I talk to them: Friend A, he plays his online game, ignoring what I say in YM. Friend B, he laughs a lot (to every word I say, actually) so this isn't actually something that's healthy. Friend C, she judges my character. Friend D, she misinterprets what I say. Friend E, he doesn't know how to use his tongue to utter a word. Friend F isn't there at all. And the list goes on and on and on...

I don't have a great set of friends.

Now I can only rely on the remaining ones (the ones from Tsong San Chia Tsu, some seniors, some sophomores, 3-1 and the Writers' Guild). Particularly Camille. She's been such a nice friend. Listens every time you talk, gives great comments too.

I'm wondering. Good friends aren't for sale anymore? What does "for sale" even mean?

Sheesh.


Friends.


"If you don't have an enemy, make one."
- Some self-help book

I Heart Sarah Palin

I'm not supposed to be doing this - I'm supposed to be studying.. but NO... I just skirmish around Lindsay Lohan's MySpace page (she comments on Sarah Palin)... and then scroll down... and then POOF! I see haters all around bashing her, saying that she has no RIGHT to judge Sarah Palin.

Before I dismantle my inner nuclear bomb, I need to now organize my thoughts.

Well, first off, Sarah Palin is a damn politician. People, in nature, have the RIGHT to comment on their potential-future-leader.

Second, those people who commented on her blog, I know for a fact, DISLIKE Sarah Palin (seriously, who doesn't? LOL I'm kidding!) but bash Lindsay just for the kinks of it.

The worst comment a hater said was that Lindsay was judging Sarah Palin and that Linds MUST grow up now.

Listen, hater: Polish your grammar first before you go on ranting, okay?

Back to that topic. JUDGMENT.

THAT'S THE PROBLEM, PEEPS! PEOPLE do not know the fine lines among OPINION, JUDGMENT AND VERBAL ATTACK! I bet these people don't even know that there is such a thing as a "fine line".

These people are the scourges of moral degeneraion.

Moral degeneration, people. Moral degeneration.

It's not that I'm biased because I basically LOVE Lindsay Lohan. I'm being morally intact here. And rational.

Freedom of Speech. Harassment.

Verbal Attack. Judgement. Opinion.

This is an example of a verbal attack: They don't teach those things in school, my fair dimwits (*refers to the haters*). They don't teach those in school... is that why you don't know 'em?

(It's a verbal attack since I used the word "dimwit")

Well, damn with the torpedoes, full speed ahead.

Freedom of Speech. Harassment.

Vebal Attack. Judgement. Opinion.

Do you know how to differentiate them?

Hmpf.

I'll differentiate them for you when I'm not busy building my morals and intellect.

I'll differentiate them and I bet you a million bucks...

So now what.. You're gonna say that I'm judging all of you? Now you're gonna be saying that I'm verbally attacking you?

What close-minded angles!

Ahem

My hatred for stupid people has once again given itself an acceleration of a million miles per minute.

Stupid people really annoy me.


*see definition of "stupid"




Fuck off.




*tries super hard to expunge anger out of system - I have Chinese Lit to study for tonight and the time's ticking... no need to get pissed... Catherine, no need to get pissed... no need to get pissed.... gaaaah! see in the next few hours I'm gonna waste my time hating this particular stupid person.

The ABC's of Life

And now I shall venture into teaching.

But before that, I shall give you a list of vocabulary words... make sure you understand them thoroughly, know them by heart, and apply them appropriately.

Voc. List # 1

1. responsibility - when I say something, I make it a point that I live up to it.

Example Sentence: Her damned friends failed to fulfill their responsibility to show up for a group meeting that should have had taken place last Wednesday.

2. friend - someone I can talk to anywhere, anyhow, anytime.

Example Sentence: She has very few friends because many of her old friends weren't friends at all.

Another Example Sentence: She doesn't want a "best friend", a "close friend" or a "best friend forever" - she just wants someone she can call a friend sans the quotation marks.

3. emo - someone who hates the world and is proud during that process

Example Sentence: All of her friends are emo.

4. friendless - someone whose friends resolved to abandonment

Example Sentence: She used to feel loved by her "close friends", but now feels friendless.

5. immaturity - "I am stupid and I don't know anything about the real world"

Example Sentence: Her friends succumb to immaturity and therefore she became friendless.

6. friendship - the most overrated abstract thing in the universe

Example Sentence: Her life is ruined by friendship.

7. frankness - what the world needs to be perfect; to accept the truth and to be the truth

Example Sentence: Her friends rejected any form of frankness.

8. listen - the ability to lend one's ears wholeheartedly to someone who is in the process of self-expression

Example Sentence: One thing her friends failed to do is to listen.

9. stupidity - the inability to think like a morally and emotionally intellectual human being.

Example Sentence: Her friends may be academically inclined, but if there's one thing they're really, really good at, it's stupidity.

10. smart - someone who knows life outside the Chemistry/Biology/Physics/Geometry/Trigonometry/ Chinese History/Chinese Literature books

Example Sentence: She has only one smart friend.

11. superficiality - "Look at me, I'm hot, I'm sexy, I'm fashionable, I'm perfect. I'm just like one of those girls you see on 'Girls Gone Wild'"; "Look at me, I watch TV shows all day and that's the only thing I care about - minus, of course, my perfect looks."; "I'm a party girl, in a party world."

Example Sentence: If there's one thing she doesn't want her friends to go into, it's superficiality (but sadly, it's too late).

12. human being - a creature that, in general, sees, thinks and feels the real side of things.

Example Sentence: Are her friends human beings?

I Have Bigger Problems to Worry About...

...like my exams for tomorrow. And my literally bleeding ear. And the fact that I, well, ......


(oh, ellipsis)


But instead, I worry about this:

....


To better explain, expound, elaborate, I'll write a few fictional paragraphs. And yes, you can consider this a short story. But no, the events are not what you call factual. Ask the feeling for the gist, why don't ya.

Oh btw, the main character is not ME. The main character might even be a SHE or a HE-SHE.


She sits in the chair, hating the world for what it couldn't do for her. That is, make her feel loved. Useful. Unlike a dust bunny under an eon-old bed. She read a passage - the one from life. The one that no one frequently reads. The one that she will only choose to love. And while reading this passage, she pondered and thought.

She's reclusive, truth be told. And sometimes the recluse makes her so isolated from time and its pace. Yes, her pace is slower than time. Yes, her pace is not moving at all. Just steady. Just slowly trying, hoping to make the world turn back its axis. And undo her past mistakes. Un-hate the people that she hates and has hated. But she's smart enough to know that it will never happen.

This makes her angry, this makes her hate the world more. But out of all the darkness, the devils and the diabolical, she chooses to hate another girl. This girl is a girl who, normally, possesses higher sense. Knowledge. But is, like everyone else, flawed. So why did she hate her so much? Because this girl's ability to reason - rationality and superiority - intimidates her? Perhaps. Nonetheless, we may never know. Or maybe because she is insecure of the attention that this girl stirs? She is, after all, void of understanding herself. She believes this girl desires power. Grandeur - she even glanced a meaningful glance at her friend when the Girl She Hates admitted honestly that she desired power. But who does not?

Miss Emo believes she does not.

That was two days ago. Here's RIGHT now:

Is Miss Emo honest enough to admit that she is blind? That she is irrational? That she should not, by any means, try to mingle, trample, get into other people's lives because she per se cannot control her own? Is it obvious to Miss Emo that she hates the world mainly because she hates who she is? That she wants to change it badly but she subconsciously refuses to want change - because she is reclusive, abandoned, psychologically imbalanced and broken? Does she want war with the Girl She Hates? Does she even KNOW the Girl She Hates?

So many questions, so little of a brain to answer them.


Miss Emo believes that the Girl She Hates should die tonight. In fact, she wants to be the one to be the bringer of the death. She hates the Girl She Hates. Ever since last year. Ever since two years ago. Why? Because the Girl She Hates has a personality that is different from hers. A personality that is rarely found in the hallways of the school. The Girl She Hates is different. The Girl She Hates is unique. So is Miss Emo. Is that why they clash? Miss Emo's DISABILITY to comprehend that not all things can go her way and the Girl's eccentric, loud nature? Truly, does Miss Emo have the right to ignite a war because she hates a person's attitude, characteristics, personality? No. But she does have the right to hate the Girl She Hates.

Does Miss Emo have the right to brag and bitch?

No.


Does Miss Emo have the right to make it look like the Girl She Hates is the bearer of the torch to blame out of all this? No. But whatever this rift is, 50% of the problem lies in Miss Emo. And the rest lies in the Girl She Hates.

But if you ask me, the simple - biased - narrator, I say, blame 99% on Miss Emo. She started it all in the first place, right? She couldn't bear the burden no more. She couldn't pour all her hatred into the world. She had to pour it into the girl.


She still sits on her chair, teeth clenched, fists tightened into a ball of rushing blood, eyes forcefully vanished, heart seething. She hates the Girl She Hates. She hates her, she wants to kill her. She can't take it anymore.

She raises her clenched fists, ready to aim.

Aim where? At who?

Better watch out, Miss Emo. She has forgotten who the Girl She Hates is. And how this Girl plays her game. Don't raise fists, Miss Emo.

The Girl already pulled the silver trigger.

Where does the bullet aim?

At who?

Fictio Auto

My blog is named Fictional Autobiography for a reason, you dickhead.

Buzz off if you're just gonna eff with it.

Yes, I said buzz off. Before I make you cry. Like what SHE and SHE did when we were sophomores.


That's why I hate giving my URL and my opinions to dickheads and nutjobs like you.

BOOM!

She's coming back again. She's HERE again. She's ruling over me again. She promised me to stay HERE for only ONE night. And I don't think I can handle her.

SHE? HER? I'm guessing you have no clue at all. Well, it has to be LARGE and HUGE because I'm writing like TWO posts for the night. She HAPPENS to be the doppelganger I mentioned in my other blog post "Fictional Autobiography of a Teenage B". And it's not my fault she's back. QUICK! Lemme get this down before she attacks. OH WAIT. She has already possessed me. And whatever you will be reading for the rest of this evening (after this paragraph) is HER writing. HER post. HER wrath.

Enjoy.

I was wrong. Boy I was wrong.

My target way back was easy. She was weak and vulnerable and easy to pulverize with my perfect shiny, metallic angel-spawned, pistol-lookalike crossbow. I aimed it at her. She died.

But not quite...

I won, really. I did. I killed her. But then I didn't know she had a doppelganger too. And her doppelganger was like MY doppelganger. It was bad and it was good. It was in many ways wrong and in many ways right. So I let go of her.

Hell I still ain't gonna care.

My crossbow MUST explode soon for it has reached its caged, bounded limits. It's time to wreak havoc. It's time to cause chaos. It's time to make war.

TO HELL WITH YOU!

And no, I have not found a target. Or let's just say everyone's my target. Shoot me. Before I shoot you first.

Why don't you kill me now? So we both end our misery?

Shut up before I stitch your lips using the nails of a dead man as the needle and the hair of a dead corpse as the fabric. And then stitch it up some more with the eternal flame of life. SHUT UP before I get my crossbow and stick it onto your mouth and morbidly engrave it there forever like a name engraved on a tombstone. Or whatever the heck you call that. I don't care. And you're not supposed to, either. Just shut up. I don't need to hear your words. Matter of fact, I'd be glad - ecstatic even if you ask me to bazooka them back to where they came from: from Hell (remember?). Then I'd stuff you back there to where you belong. Where? Hell.

One day, one day I'll lure you into my traps.


-- END --

Catherine's note: I read this all over again and I realized HOW EVIL my doppelganger was (and is). And shoot, I can't believe she said all those stuff. Catherine "Cath"(I), would never say those stuff. In fact, I'm actually scared for my alter ego. Hope she's not scared for me.

Confessions of a Teenage B*****

Note: Do not read this post if you have a rather faint, non-profane heart. Or ear. OR eyes. I warn you.

I promise to mention the word at most 5 times. If you wanna know what the hullabaloo (CRAP. DID I JUST TYPE THE WORD?) is all about, just listen. I mean, read.

Recently, I discovered a strong fetish, love, like, (passion?) with the word BITCH. I don’t know. It’s really weird because back then (a year ago, perhaps?) I was amazingly obsessed with the word SLUT. Later (perhaps, a few months ago?), I rekindled my romance with like words. I became obsessed with DAMN.

Now, few months later, I find myself OBSESSED with the word BITCH. AMAZING.

Is it because I myself am a bitch?

Is it because it’s female dog?

Is it because when you utter it, it gives you a funny feeling?

Is it because Lindsay Lohan is a bitch (not a SLUT, y’all!)

Oops. I think I mentioned the word four times now.

Anyway, what is a bee?

(Bee is a rather euphemistic version of the B* word). The perfect definition of a bee is someone perhaps who talks in an ear-splitting way, bossy (like for real), uhhmm what else? Kinda like me. But I am not that kind of BEE you know. You know, the one you’re thinking about.

What is NOT a bee?

Bees are no sluts.

Bees are not dirty.

Bees are not backstabbing bees.

What is basically a bee?

It lies perfectly well in the PERSONALITY. NOT the trait.

That personality is, just as I mentioned, ear-splitting, bossy, irritating (at times but not ALWAYS!).. but in nature LIKEABLE especially when you get to know her. (Yes, I used ‘her’). And besides, you’ll learn a lot from her. Just like her friends say say. Bees teach you know!

I guess I’m still obsessed. I hope this lasts much longer. It’s so relaxing, saying the word.

‘Sides, you’ll probably hear me saying/screaming/yelling it out loud anyway.

BITCH!!!!