Abortion

Mother, am I a lie?

Mother, am I one of those everyday things you mouth to father?

Am I a demon in disguise,

Conceived by that one thing you can't hide

A lie?

Mother, am I those catalysts that ignite

Father's wrath during the night?

Mother, why murder me

With those crucial lies?

Mother, is that murder?

Mother that is a sin

Mother that is one of those things

You told me you taught me

Not to commit as a kid

But mother, why lie?

Mother why kill me with your lies?

Why manipulate the family's life?

Mother, why oh why oh why?

Mother, am I adopted?

Mother, why do this?

Mother, this sin

Is as strong

As the ones

You hate

In the Bible and psalms

Mother, don't abort.

Mother, don't lie.

Mother, never ever lie.

Fantasy

Every night I dream of you,
Every day - I lose a breath or two.
Because your sober thoughts make me quiver
That magic makes me feel loved forever.
I know that you are miles away
And I can't even call during the day
I'm a fool, I lack strength to dial your number
Because you're the only one who makes me wonder
If my future is void, if my future is flowing
With your love, your joy, your longing
To you this may sound like a juvenile poem
That comes from a writer that's supposed to be honed
To you this may sound like the most fickle of art
But this simple thing beats from the bottom of my heart
I wrote love poems about no one in particular
When I was a kid, I mixed words and played with them in the dark
Yet this is such an overwhelming feeling,
One that I cannot describe without thinking.
I've never been in love with anybody else
Brain says this is stupid since I don't know you that well
So why does this feeling take over my veins?
Why do I love you, the night the day?
Puppy love, my common sense states
So why do I see you in my ensuing fate?
You are there, and we laugh
You make me change, and I adapt.
With every gust of the wind I feel you near
This is true love, my prince is here.
Why else would I be writing numerous words
If this feeling is nothing, just curd?
In my flight of fancy, you keep on enticing me
Somehow, if I reach out and so do you, it will be reality
I long for a slight touch, a strong hand to hold
Robust, fragments of you and I begin to unfold
How many times must I utter in my night visions -
That "I love you" is my strongest inhibition?
That "I love you too" will elevate our intuition?
That an assurance, even just a glance
Can melt me, and make my sentiments fire a dance
I love you
I know you,
You love me too.

Speechless Emotional

I have been so busy lately – no, not doing homework because I got that in the bag; no, not because of overthinking stupid things, I got over that; no, not worrying about my hunger strike, I eat now; no, not because of the guild, I really got that in my pockets; no, not because of the stupid poem we need to memorize; and no, not because of STUPIDER things like uhm, school. You know what I’ve been so busy about? Rats. Like, rat poop. I mean seriously, I got no yaya so that means no one does the chores at home and the rats come out and play. There’s a massive “tambak” of unwashed laundry down the hamper.

Despite the lack of time (btw, Time is my greatest enemy FOR REAL. URRRGGHH!!) and energy, I was able to compose a poem. It’s dedicated to a person.

I trashed you.
And stashed you.
I still want you.
That’s why I found out I needed you

I know things are gone
But new things have come
And I’m happy
That you came back to me

You’re the only one in my heart
Who needs to play the part
Who cares to show me how you feel
Throughout the drawbacks you stood still

The world crashed before my eyes
And I thank God for bringing you to my life
I know that days come and you stay
And I’m speechless, got nothing to say

As I write songs to express,
My emotions got too much to address
All I know is that when you’re there, it’s true
By the way, I think I’m in love with you.


P.S Thanks for making me feel like I’m the best creature in the world! Even if that poem isn’t all that of a masterpiece, I wouldn’t care. I’d make it my last blog post if that’s a request; because I already asked too much requests from you. I’m just glad you’re there. That’s all there is to say.

And my nerves thump as I write this…

Don’t ever, ever go away. Please don’t.

Sink

The waves behind me are void
Because of the work I long toiled
Aware, beneath my heavy spirit
I sink between conscience and guilt

I freed the mighty expeditions
That aimed to pounce expectations
There wasn’t a single one missed
By sinking underneath my bliss

I let go of my memories to drain
To get rid of the powerful pain
Inside me I remain solid
For I don’t sink in today’s trepid

The water lies in the sea
Forever ‘till death it shall be
I thank you for how you rescued me
But now I shall sink to your arms for eternity.

P.S.
Until you came by me,
I was to death solitary
So I cannot express beyond anything
That to me, you’ve always been something

Translation: I am SO HAPPY! Is this surreal? Is this really happening? Happiness is so damned overrated.

Disclosure: I am not happy. I’m just…….delighted that I have AT LEAST one person who understands me, who helps me, who backs me up, who stands by, who I ignored coldly back then but am realizing how much this person means to me now, who is simply existing inside my cold, stupid, misunderstood (stranded) heart.