Not Furious. Just Curious.

Well, first of all, I don’t understand why I have to sit in front of the computer and expand my futile misery BY thriving on a celebrity’s misfortunes. WHY. DOES. THIS. HAVE. TO. BUG. ME? I don’t know. Can someone SMART enough answer that for me? Because whenever I come up with answers to THAT question, I end up forcing myself to not answer the question at all. So go ahead. Mock me. Mock my misery.

But I need the answer now.

HOW COULD HER LIFE BE ANY OF MY CONCERN? Why should I care about her life? Why should I let my life be ruined by looking at her life? Damn it. And you think I was SMART enough to know not to care.

Just slap me on the head and get this over it. Before I slap her in the head and get THIS over with.

Come on, for God’s sake why do celebrities have to be so addicting?

(P.S. Please do a double take on my title)

Dedicated to My Star-Studded Celebrity

What is it that you have that other people don’t?

What is it that you have that I just continue to have a penchant for?

Is it your intriguing life?

Is it your menacing talent which now seems to fade away with youth?

I don’t know. You still have it even if you’ve changed so much. You have become nasty and trashy and filthy all the way. But why did you ever go away from being clean?

I wish you have never changed. Sure, you learned a bundle of cerebral (and arterial) knowledge that schools can offer – but you learned it the hard way. You gave in to the temptations the world had to offer. Are you still tempted? Because knowing you back then, you were not. In fact, I saw no trace of any paw print of temptation.

Why did you do the crime? Why did you commit the crime of leaving one’s self for the worse?

Change is three things.

First, you change for the better. Second, you change (for the ugly/worst) because society pushes you through. Third, you don’t change – you just take off your mask.

And I don’t know if the mask has been there all along.
Or if the society is too much of a bitch for you to succumb.

I wanna help you. Because it is pathetic. The world is not so cruel if you look and listen. Why don’t you listen to me? Why don’t you look at me?

Don’t be like that. Please don’t.

As I seek to help other people and can’t seem to find ones that don’t work, I realize. The one person I need has been there since I was 8. You.

Don’t change back. Keep changing forward.

Because what’s “forward” is a whole lot better than left and right.

Isn’t it always like that?

Yes, it is.

Don’t forget to look back. And don’t forget to look at what’s hiding in your hindsight – because you will learn from it. And don’t forget, too, to look at what’s beside you. Battle your way out of this mess – dirt is hard to clean when it has stayed there long enough; when you clean it, it will have residues but residues can go away leaving only a trace of memory behind (which is what we really see when we look at cleaned-up-residues). If you don’t clean the residues, then there’s no memory left at all. Remember: leave a mark that makes a statement, not otherwise.

Because I will always believe in you – even if that sounds the most unrealistic thing I have ever stated.

Today is your turning point. Jump at it. Like what you said: “Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away”. (That was one thing that marked!).

Most of all, when you go forward, promise not to go away.

I miss you.