Of Stage Mothers, Irrational Fathers and Filial Piety

Sometimes I believe I'm the most normal person in the family. 

My family's a fucking mess. Perhaps you guys would be saying: "psshht" and some others might say: "Catherine's exaggerating." and others would just shrug. Not caring. Thinking I'm creating another perfect epitome of drama.

I wish I was creating THIS. I wish it wasn't real. WISH.

But it's real.

Allow me to speak. And dare not judge.

My mother is terror.

My father is a monster.

My parents.... I don't even know where to start. 

Well, they curse a lot. 

They curse Filipino CURSES a lot. I'd rather hear 'em curse the F word or whatever. That would be more normal. 

My brother... he's a mini-me version of my father and a male version of my mother.

My sister... she has become dark because of my 'rents. But. We're partners in crime!

I'm not saying I don't love them. I'm saying I'm sick and tired of them. Heck, I'm 15 years old. This is 15 years of excruciating family drama. You know, in a sense, we're a broken family. No one's happy anymore. I want to tell them how to mend the "brokenness" as I type this. But they won't listen.

(Well, as I type this, my mom is bitching; I stifle the urge to hurl a bitchy yet rational response to her bitchings. I'm biting my tongue right now.) 

Fuck. It's okay to open your mouth non-stop when what you say makes SENSE. But when it doesn't? Just shut up.

I'd rather have my parents not talking than talk crap and blindness.

I'm scared of my father.

When I was a kid, I realized that he wasn't instilling respect. He was instilling fear. When you instill FEAR to a kid, you don't expect her to respect YOU! 

God. 

They'd probably kill me the moment they read these posts.

Whatever. I don't care anymore.

True. I've made mistakes. I've been disrespectful. I'm not even the best daughter in the world. Heck, I'm not in the Top 30. But why is that so? Is it only ME to be blamed? Low parenting skills, I'd say. 

And maybe when I click the "publish post" button, I'd regret writing this post. 

Because of fear.

I am so sick of pretending that everything's perfect. It's NOT. It's the complete fucking opposite, okay? Why are you so afraid of showing it? WHY??? Why do you do that to the extent of instilling fear to your children? Does it NOT occur to you that instilling fear in a family basis instills fear in a child's societal life? 

I don't wanna say that I'm smarter than you.

I just want you to hear me out.

SO LISTEN!