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Monday, April 21, 2008

SATIRE! Soulja WHAT?

If you know me, you'd know that I care about the world. Right?

You know that I don't sit on my arse all day thinking about crappy stuff like, maybe, a nonexistent palace in the sky. I don't listen to music without my mind functioning.

You know that I care about promiscuity, about Obama and Clinton - and their recent comedic appearances on TV, about stupidity, about overcrowding and overpopulation, about the world's worst Hollywood actors and actresses, about Lindsay Lohan's sobriety and about feminisim, marxism, even feudalism!

But, guess. I care most about: global warming. And global warming often leads to pollution. And pollution, in the past, made me think of air pollution, land pollution AND water pollution. BUT now is totally different.

Noise pollution.

And noise pollution means Soulja Boy Crank Dat Tellem whatever. Consider me a downright antipatica, if you may. Consider me a bee, if you want. Consider me a hater, even. I just want to get my point across.

SOULJA WHATEVER sucks. If I hear another one of those crappy, worthless, and senseless inutile lyrics or words that don't mean a single thing when combined, I will terminate and vaporize the nearest TV screen (and that's my flat screen TV).

His music, if you can call it "music" and not "noise" is totally placing a barrier towards communication and it obstructs the true meaning of "art". As an artist and a lover of music, I have the right to say: He sucks.

I know what you may think. "Who does she think she is? Criticizing Billboard's and the music industry's overachieving musician? Heck, she hasn't even sold a bestseller! This antipatica should just shut her mouth up, you know! Doodz, she's like so boastful! She thinks she knows art! Damn this woman! Scorn her!"

For the love of Lifehouse! Look at his name! Is that, what, a satiric parody? As a fan of the music industry, I am so aware that Destiny's Child released a single called "Soldier" way back then. I do believe that Soulja whatever decided to, maybe, play a spoof on them?

I care about people who have tinnitus and other ear-related symptoms. Really. I'm not the only one who hates this. I represent the handful of people who keep their voice on the low as they are afraid that Soulja whatever might send a group of grammatically-challenged, tone deaf producers out here on the run.

One more thing, the more you play Soulja whatever's song on your MP3, and put it on LOUDSPEAKER, the more people die of dizziness. This thing called an earphone has been invented since the 90's so to keep your disease, baleful noise pollution kept under scrutiny and reclusion. HAVE YOU EVER HEARD PEOPLE LIKE ME GO ON PUTTING THEIR SONGS ON LOUDSPEAKER WHEN "HANGING OUT" IN THE STREETS? No.

Soulja is taking advantage of his ghetto-black appearance. I have all the respect for all the races in the world, but I really have a personal distaste for Soulja's soul.

So what's it gonna be? Crank 'em wit dat hoe and dance 'em up in ya toe? Watchin' 'im supah soakin' he hoe? Placin' 'im a supah man in he gig?

Whatever, soulja. Hey, I know your song. Just so that I could hate it in detail.

Here's a better one with Cameron Diaz classing it all up. Yes, classing it all up. Cl-Ass.




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