CLICK HERE FOR THOUSANDS OF FREE BLOGGER TEMPLATES »

Monday, November 24, 2008

Hello, Blog

Aside from the fact that I'm being eaten by these stupid bugs, everything's going pretty fine.

So right now...

It's basically 1 in the morning. (Don't believe what the "posted on" thingy at the bottom of this post says).

Mouth sore.

Throat hurts.

Bug-bitten.

Not panic-stricken anymore! I'm on to my 1045 words (word count's 1500)! So far, I like what I have. I'm on my third point, and nearing the conclusion. When this whole agony ends, I'd be the happiest person in the universe (...not...)

Shit. A bug just swooped down.

*inspects bug*

I don't even know what kind of bug it is! It's small and WHITE and it FLIES. Eewww. I am so spraying Baygon in this room (the Computer Room) the moment I finish my essay.

Darn. Bugs. Hate 'em all so much.

GAH. Now I'm itching.

My mouth is sore. My throat hurts. My skin is bug-bitten. What else? Death? The Bubonic Plague? Worse, an allergy?!?!?!

NO. Seriously. I've had one too much already. I'm ITCHING!

Great. Now my beloved dogs are chewing my purple Havaianas to death. Well, it's okay actually. I don't like Havaianas anyway. They're the most overrated creatures in this universe. That's exactly why I don't use them outside the house. Yes, peeps. They're JUST SLIPPERS. I don't care how much they cost. They're STILL slippers. Call it flip-flops or not. They're JUST SLIPPERS. (The world officially hates me now).

Seriously, get real shoes.

They're JUST SLIPPERS!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Why I'm Busier than Half of the World (A Quasi-Irrational List)

I dedicate this to Fleur, although I don't know why.

  1. Because I only get at most 4 hours of sleep at night.
  2. Because while the world sleeps/plays/rests, I toil.
  3. Because I am a neurotic, overachieving perfectionist.
  4. Because I bitch a lot.
  5. Because I nourish my social life on a regular basis.
  6. Because for the past 6 months, I've developed an obsession with fashion (Sunday is the sanctified Mall Day - spent nearly P10,000 on coats, hats, tops and pants - yep, we're getting ready for Winter Korea - believe it or not, shopping is tiring)
  7. Because I love my job as the editor-in-chief of a nonprofit magazine.
  8. Because I love myself as an overachiever (see num 3)
  9. Because I can't balance love life, social life, academic life, personal life and career life VERY WELL. In the end, all that I sacrifice is my sleep.
  10. Because, accdg to Fleur, I'm a Class A woman, strong and outspoken (and I love her for this)
  11. Because I stress too much on worthless stuff.
  12. Because I obsess too much on worthless stuff (last week's obsession was ballpoint pens, this week's obsession is multi-colored typewriting paper rims)
  13. Because I am blessed with competitions (which makes me very happy to the point of ... ecstasy)
  14. Because I spend too much time with my (not short, not fat) iPod Nano (Baby, I love you!)
  15. Because I organize too much activities in school.
  16. Because I am too preoccupied thinking about boys.
  17. Because I hate Twilight.
  18. Because I care for my dogs
  19. Because I love food a lot
  20. Because I buy a lot of gummy stuff (Favorite? Trolli Lips and Teeth)

-end of list-

Screw the World

Sudden fit of rage.

Why do people automatically "recognize ""Math and Science Geniuses"?

No, no. Don't answer that. That's a rhetorical question, stupid. Sheesh. Does the world not know how to differentiate rhetoric from non-rhetoric?

Why is it that when you're a math and science person, you get to be automatically deemed as "smart", good in analyzing, logic and critical thinking? Is the world's current basis for "intellect" NUMBERS? STATISTICS? DATA?

No. No. No. A BIG FAT NO.

People don't recognize those that excel in the field of English and Filipino. You see, even when there are awarding ceremonies, people award those that win in Math competitions. Science competitions. Math. Science. Math. What about ... us? The writers? The speakers? The English erudites? The lit lovers? The linguistic quiz bee champions?

See there's this BIG FAT discrimination here in Chiang Kai Shek. Not just CKSC. Even the world. I have proof for this but I'm too enraged to actually type DATA right now. Sure, you need DATA to prove things. But are mathematical and scientific data the only KINDS o' proofs you can garner?

Don't people get it?

When we the linguistic people write our essays, we THINK. We DON'T just put our opinions down. (Well, opinions do root from a brain, you know.) We extract "facts". We digest "facts". We analyze "facts". We avoid logical fallacies that can be extracted from "facts". We apply these "facts". We use our style to encompass these "facts".

So yes. We think critically, logically and analytically.

The moment those Math and Science people write a Pulitzer prize-winning editorial, and get up the stage to speak an award-winning speech, will be the only time that I could consider them "geniuses."


Disturbia (A Story Not for the Faintest of Hearts) - the Continuation

A text message lights up the odd screen of my mobile phone. Odd, I say. For a modern man, I don’t ever seem to get used with the technology. I am thankful that my experiment needs not the aid of too much that beast – technology.

It’s Rebecca. She asks where I am. Should I answer? What’s the term they use again? Reply – is that it?

For the sake of chivalry, her query: “Why aren’t you at work today?”, I reply with a white lie: “I feel sick, my friend.”

There. Now, time to get back to work.

I carefully examine the ingredients. Surely, this will take a lot of time, effort and brains. I grab the scalpel I stole from my father’s house – he’s a surgeon. It took me exactly an hour to get the theft done. With more careful observation, I realize that I need three kinds of knives: a big one – the one the butler uses to chop big meat, a medium-sized one – perhaps the one chefs use to cut vegetables, and a small one – the one thieves use to cut open some loot – the Swiss knife. Oh, and I need scissors too.

Maybe it’s time for a quick lesson from what’s that TV show… Grey’s Anatomy is it?

Bah. Who cares?

Suddenly obsessed with my new ideas, I paw over the pots and the pans, looking for the three knives. I already have the big one and the medium one. Now, for the Swiss knife.

The doorbell rings and echoes through my house here in the suburbs. Do my neighbors hear the doorbell ring?

Who could this be? Perhaps Daimler? Nah. He’s probably too scrunched up in work. Work… what time is it? Time… 12 noon. Has it been 6 hours of ruminating already? What is the malfunction in me? Have I been sitting and ruminating for the past 6 hours? As my mind recollects the events that have happened for the past 6 hours, I dash back to the dining table to see what the progress is.

Progress, indeed! It seems that I have carefully put together the ingredients in such a manner that…

The doorbell rings again.

Oh no.

Good thing I’ve hidden the plastic body bags!

I grab without hesitation the sheets of my bed and drape it over the dining table. It will be less conspicuous that way. Besides, who’s to suspect?

“Hey, I’ve been worried. I brought you lunch,” says a charming Rebecca – the one whom I opened the door for. “You have a fever?”

I can’t help but nod.

“Your house smells a little… different,” she observes.

“Must be me. I haven’t had a shower all day. I’m so sorry to disappoint you like this,” I say in my most charming way.

“You don’t have to say sorry. Tsk tsk tsk. Such a handsome man with such a malodorous house. This is what you get when you concentrate too much on work,” she teases me.

And I like it.

“It’s my lack of social life. And love life. And family life. I’m a solitary man confined in this solitary prison, waiting for someone to set me free,” I do this using my drama skills. And I know it entices her.

“I know who that someone is,” says she.

“Daimler!”

She eyes me seductively. Or so I think. Her green eyes, inherited from her Irish mother, are forever seductive, anyway.

“Christine. You know, the girl who basically worships you. You should go out with her. She’d die of happiness.”

I chuckle.

“I don’t like Christine at all.” She won’t set me free. But I know you will. But I can’t have Rebecca. I’ve repeated in my mind that I cannot be with her as a boyfriend, a lover or a husband. I just can’t.

Changing topics, she asks me if I want to eat my lunch. I want to say yes, but then again I remember my dining table draped with my sheets. She simply cannot see the mess under that. All the liquid and the scraps of…

She lets down her long brown hair, inherited from her father’s Chinese-Czech descent. I cannot help but feel a sensation… a manly sensation. I want to touch her skin that is hued with olive from her grandmother’s Greek descent, and ivory from her grandfather’s …

I want to. Caress her. Feel her. Free her.

But I can’t. Her skin is forbidden. Her hair is torture. Her face is unchartered territory.

I simply can’t.

“Hey! Do you want to eat lunch or not?”

“I will but not now. My … throat hurts. My mouth is sore,” again, another white lie.

“Do you want some meds? Because I’m not leaving this place until you’re fine.”

“So that means you’re staying for 24 hours?” I tease.

“I’m serious.”

“Fine,” I give up.

After a few more of those teasing and provoking, Rebecca waves goodbye.

It’s then that I realize that I have a Swiss knife on the pocket of my pants.

Oh, opportunity.

~0~

It is now 1 in the morning – 108 hours after I collected my ingredients that night. There is news going on that a crazed man goes to the hospital at night, steals body parts and puts them in a plastic body bag. So far, they have no suspect yet. But this man, so far has stolen eyes, a tongue, a heart, a woman’s genitals and… a brain.

What they fail to know is that this man doesn’t just go to the hospital to steal body parts. He goes to the cemetery too – that’s where this lunatic went to 108 hours ago, anyway. That’s where he got the bones, the nose, skin and some rotten flesh and the complete set of body parts. He has the abdomen, the liver and the kidneys too.

Oh yes, and it’s also been 108 hours that I’ve skipped my work. I told them I’d be on vacation in my parents’ house.

So here I am, sitting at the dining table, haven’t eaten food in days. Haven’t slept in days, too. But it doesn’t matter. I’m a dedicated man. I will finish this experiment as soon as I can.

I grab the piece of rotten flesh – this comes from a corpse that’s only been dead for a day. It’s rotten but not quite. It still is soft, and has that subtle effect on my fingers. I piece it together with the carpal bones. For 3 days, I have found out a special technique that will piece them together in a perfect fit. This is it. This is the last flesh I have to piece with the bones. I have completed piecing up the past three days! It’s been a puzzle. How to fit the brain perfectly with the skull – this is hard to do with bare hands. I fear I might damage the cortex of such. And the eyes! The smell of it! So…invigorating. The green eyes I stole smell.

Even though I have carefully pieced the flesh, the brain and the bones, there is still much to do. Hey, but give me credit. I am no doctor but I know how this works. This is the true work of a genius! I am a genius!

Now is time for the skin.

This skin comes from a recently deceased supermodel. Her skin is lovely. When I feel it with my fingers…I feel a sense of relief. It’s the same familiar feeling. She must have been beautiful. Her skin, a color with the combination of olive and ivory, I piece with the flesh.

It doesn’t seem right.

Perhaps this skin is intended for other places?

Oh, I know where.

And I’ll be there soon.

No.

Again, it doesn’t seem right. Before I know it, I grab a sewing kit – the one I bought just 3 days ago. I planned on using the needle to merge the scalp and the hair but I guess the needles needs to merge skin and skin now.

It is a wonder. The skin, what they call the protective shield, tears easily. I have to be careful. This is perhaps the hardest job in life.

It still doesn’t seem right.

After what seems to be 2 hours, I take a shower. And as I take my shower, I can feel my skin tearing itself apart. And then, because of some weird thing, I feel like piecing it back together. Again and again, the shower leaves me that impression. And then I think about Rebecca. I am a man, after all. I can take advantage of this shower time to succumb to my lust for her.

But no. I am a patient man. I will wait for my plans to take shape.

As the soap touches my skin, I feel a masochistic urge. And then it happens.

I scream in pain as my instincts command me to tear off my own skin. I pinch it, peel as if doing so on a banana. I see my flesh, steaming with the water, throbbing as if it’s a heart. It pains. Oh, but I love it! The skin, I now hold in my hand, is just a small portion of my left palm. I quickly go out of the shower, and assess my nude self. I have the abs, the toned muscles and the well-endowed member. Everything is perfect. I look perfect. But the skin of my palm is missing. I try to outline the flesh with the fingers on my right hand. Perhaps because of something, the pain is gone. The flesh, so soft and so subtle, can be used in my experiment.

Either that or…

I should practice using my body! That is it! I will piece my own skin with my own flesh. Perhaps with the use of the needle?

Out of curiosity, I lick my flesh. It tastes normal. Like red meat, actually. Now I’m beginning to wonder why human beings normally don’t resort to cannibalism. Must I take a bite?

I chortle to myself and then the neighbors hear a blood-curdling scream.

~0~


(to be continued)

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Not So Fruitful Day

Mouth sore.

Throat hurts.

Panic-stricken.


Shit. I have to revise the whole "Towards a Low Carbon Economy" essay TONIGHT. Thing is, I'm aiming for major revision because, heck, I wanna win. Because winning will levitate my dwindling self-esteem (as of now, my self-esteem is only 45% of my "ideal" esteem - this is uber low when compared to two months ago's 85%). And because winning will prove that I'm no two-hit wonder. Okay, okay, so maybe I am NOT a two-hit wonder. But seriously? Perfectionists like me are obsessed with winning. And also because winning will not dissappoint the English Department that I have grown to love with passion as intense as Disurbia's lead character's passion. (Disturbia disclaimers, references and allusions end here.)

The crappiest part is, well, sigh, I don't know the topic that much.

Unlike moral degeneration.

Unlike teachers.

Unlike racism.

Unlike philosophy.

Unlike humanity.

Unlike English Literature.

Unlike history.

Unlike academical intellect.

Those above are my fortes. But if you ask me about Chem, Physics, and whatever the hell, I stall. That's because I don't have THAT kind of mind - the kind that memorizes what Ternary Compounds are. The kind that memorizes the list of ions with their corresponding charges.

I'm the kind who reads the news, analyzes the news, digests the news and applies what I read, analyzed and digested into daily life. Yes, I'm a Rennaissance woman. I write, think, speak and sometimes, I even act.

I promote Democratic regulation, not hybrid cars.

I promote the $700 Billion bailout plan, not ethanol whatsoever

Okay, so maybe I promote hybrid cars ethanol. But still. Still. Still. Still. You get the point.

Worse, I can't bring myself to write something that I don't know much of. So do you know what that means? That means I have to thoroughly research about these carbon compounds whatsoever before I could totally revise the essay. And knowing myself to be addicted and obsessed with details, the research will definitely cost me a lot of time. 24 hours, even!

Another bad thing...

I have to do it all tonight.

Why?

Because tomorrow is MALL day. Srsly, I can't sacrifice mall day. It's too sacred.

Besides,


MY THROAT HURTS LIKE HELL!

Disturbia (A Story Not for the Faintest of Hearts)

If you'd look at my Shelfari profile, you'd automatically grasp the idea that I'm semi-anti-Chick-Lit now. Semi, my friends, semi (thanks to Twilight, of course). And if you want me to expound on that semi-anti-ism, well I wrote the whole deal on this vignette-esque thing entitled: "The Override of Chick-Lit" (may be published on the 2nd Issue of The Quest which is to be released on Feb '08).

That is not the point, though.

The point is, since I'm all semi-anti-chick-lit, I don't limit myself to Chick-Lit anymore. Yes, that's liberation! So now I'm back to my old self - the one who writes all kinds of stuff.

Here's a semi-gothic work (I use the word "semi" a lot these days, don't I?):

WARNING: NOT FOR THE FAINTEST OF HEARTS. PLOT MAY DISTURB YOU. (well, if you're a chick-lit girl, then the plot will definitely disturb you. I THINK.)

Disturbia

If you know me, you'd call me passionate, driven and determined - even to the extent of obsession-compulsion. But in spite of those three virtues, I had never known what my true calling in life is. That is, until tonight.

It's raining and I've just gotten home from my friend Rebecca's house. There's nothing between us really. Just friends. . . if you're thinking we're something more than that. Although I must admit. Sometimes I succumb my manliness to her beauty. Fine features. Fine, pure and striking. She is a mixture of all races, colors and nationalities. Though I know there are instances when I yearn for the pleasures of the flesh, I know I'd never get to have her as a girlfriend, a lover or a wife.

I'm a tired, sleepy and paranoid man. I say to the bearded face on my mirror. I'm growing old, too. Going 30 but still loveless. I inspect my face. No wrinkles, no lines, no traces of old age. So why do I think I'm growing old? Is it because even though I am a handsome man, no girl comes into my life? What is the basis of handsomeness, anyway?

Something tuggs at my insides. Yes, yes, yes. It's one of those things. Those unpredictable, unexpected things that happen in stories and movies. That tug-tug thing. Suddenly, I remember my fetish for books - Gothic books, to be exact.

And as the clock ticks 11 PM, I rummage through my small, library. Pretty rare to have a library at home in the 21st Century, now, right?

As the clock ticks half past 11, I read.

And as the clock ticks 12, something in my head disturbs me.

Oh, this is going to be a long night.


~0~


It's 1 in the morning and I have gathered nearly all of the ingredients and materials for my experiment. I see a silhouette in the dark. A man approaches. It's my friend Daimler.

"What brings you here at the the dead of the night?"

"The tug of the soul, my friend."

"What are you talking about?" He asks, painstakingly scrutinizing the plastic body bags on my hand.

I wave at him with the hand free of the mysterious body bags. "I'm doing an experiment that requires me to be passionate, driven and determined."

"Do you want a smoke?" He asks and brings out a pack of cigarettes.

"Tempting offer. But I've quit smoking already. Remember?" I regain composure and stand straight, like a poised male model, if I may say so. "How about you? What brings you here - such a daunting place at night?"

"Ha ha see, I'm just passing by. The workers at the firm... we, uhhh... decided to have a great night out. You know. Have it with the ladies."

Yes, typically you. Typically modern. You all just hit women like that. Chivalry is dead. You don't know how to treat them right.

"I bet you should be off now, my friend!" I say in such a manner that made the small hairs on his arms, nape and back ... tingle.

And with a nod and a smile, he's off!

Time to get back to my lovely business.

As my pocket clock ticks 6 AM, my ingredients are all complete.

~0~

Like pieces on a puzzle, my ingredients for the experiment, I lay on the table. I begin to question why I started doing this experiment. But then again, this will only prove my three virtues. And as soon as I complete this, oh, I'm sure my life will change.

One tiny bit of problem.

The body bags. Where must I hide them?

A place that will not ignite sparks of curiosity...

The loft? The chimney? The garage? No. No. No. Too simple. Too easily noticeable. Too... boring.

So... for the thrill of it all...

I'm hiding the bags under my bed.

-to be continued-

Friday, November 21, 2008

Those Ain't for Sale Anymore?

Never in a million years would I call myself a pessimist. I ain't one. And I don't wanna be one. And I guess, if you permit me to say, I will never be one.


...but I can't help but think this pessimistic thought: are friends - my friends, in particular - worth it? Are they actually worth fighting for? Are they real friends? When I said "my friends", I specifically meant the ones in my class - the new set of friends. The ones I see and talk to everyday. The ones I help and laugh with.

So yeah, they're there for the good times - the laughs, the smiles, the like.


But they're not there for the bad times. This is how they are when I talk to them: Friend A, he plays his online game, ignoring what I say in YM. Friend B, he laughs a lot (to every word I say, actually) so this isn't actually something that's healthy. Friend C, she judges my character. Friend D, she misinterprets what I say. Friend E, he doesn't know how to use his tongue to utter a word. Friend F isn't there at all. And the list goes on and on and on...

I don't have a great set of friends.

Now I can only rely on the remaining ones (the ones from Tsong San Chia Tsu, some seniors, some sophomores, 3-1 and the Writers' Guild). Particularly Camille. She's been such a nice friend. Listens every time you talk, gives great comments too.

I'm wondering. Good friends aren't for sale anymore? What does "for sale" even mean?

Sheesh.


Friends.


"If you don't have an enemy, make one."
- Some self-help book

Monday, November 17, 2008

Slowly, Gently...

...it's killing me softly.


Four things, my friends, four things. (this doesn't even include schoolwork and all those nasty tests)


1. Oratorical Piece


So I finished it last night.

It sucked, obviously. You can't conjure up a mastermind piece in just one sitting. So I submitted it, it really did suck. Now, I'mma revise it. The problem is, when I try to lift my hand to type up its file name "Mabuhay Ka, Pusong Pinoy", my hands fail me. It's those bodily functions again!

Writers' Block.

Writers' Block.

One word: Heart.

HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO WRITE A FREAKING ORATORICAL PIECE ABOUT A BIOLOGICAL ANATOMY? Can't they just ask me to write anything about.. I don't know,.. corruption? The bull market? The flea market? Euthanasia? Cryptozoology? Psychoanalysis? The Rorscarch Test? ANYTHING BUT BIOLOGICAL, CHEMICAL and... PHYSICAL?

Please! I've been trying to escape the sciences since high school - Biology, Chemistry and soon, Physics. So why do those things keep chasing me even when I'm at cloud nine?

It's 10 PM and the fact that my piece ain't ready yet scares me to death.

This piece needs to be as great as my Infantado piece (or else I'll label my own self a one-hit wonder).

*pwned*

The remaining three will be discussed while I'm stressing about 'em.

Dead This Week. Again.

When is this stress going to end?

You know, I feel blessed and all with being given the opportunities to join various writing competitions. But the pressure from winning the previous ones have been mounting on my back as if I'm a camel.

Things Whose Deadline's Supposed to be Tomorrow
1. Op-Ed - (darn, the topic I chose is too hard for me to handle. for the shekians who are acutally reading, i hope you devour it)

2. Editorial - (I don't write the Editorial without writing my op-ed first)

3. Oratorical Piece for PHA Competition - the theme is all about heart disease (factual oratorical pieces aren't my forte.)

4. Essay for DepEd - the darned "letter" (aka the paper where the peeps supposedly need to put the contest theme and mechanics) DOES not even contain the theme. So how am I supposed to guess what's tumpak and what's not?

5. Endless The Quest Articles - I can't start writing 'em since I have to focus on the 4 above.


Yes, truly, I am blessed. Blessed. Blessed. Blessed. And I truly thank the Lord above. Thank you, God. I appreciate all these blessings.


But ... Can't TIME just stop for me? I barely get my forty winks at night now what with all the tests, the Chinese, the articles and the competitions.


I guess, when you have a current-perfect life, there are major consequences (like eye bags and farewells to beauty sleeps).


I am so tired. I am so sleepy.


Remind me: Need to finish dummy layout this week.


Oh, and I'd like to make a PUBLIC apology to Fleur/Fleuretta for not handing back Ms. Europe for about TWO MONTHS now. Fleur, kill me the moment you see me. I deserve it. For being such an irresponsible friend. I suck, don't I?

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Of Crap, BS and Other Dung-related Substances

This school year is full of shit, crap, drama, and other dung-related substances.

It's also full of changed friends who don't know how to act the right way.

Full of grades that are high but still suck for high standards

Full of unwanted, unfortunate circumstances that are too shitty to mention here.

Full of decisions that yield negative effects.

Full of wrong decisions that haunt you in the end.

Full of expectations left unattained.

Full of ....


Oh God. C'mon now, I'll say it without the sugarcoatings.


In a community where you are required to be perfect - act good, look good, be good, do good IN SCHOOL. One can't help but overestimate and underestimate his or her true skills. You know it's really hard to namedrop since ... well, this is a community that is harsh. One wrong move and you're out. This is harder than Gossip Girl.

Most especially when you belong to the Cream Section. You have no idea how ... rigorous the competition is. Even teachers make us eat each other's brains off.

Want an example? Well, if, for example, I get a higher grade in AP and English (say a 98). Some of my classmates leech onto me - plagiarize my works, even (hey, this really happened) to get what they want - which is information.If I get a lower grade, they judge me. But that's just an example - I mean, I just used myself as an example.

But why should you believe me? After all, this is "fictional" autobiography.

Well, I'm not tryna cast a cloud shadow on III-5. I'm merely pointing out the underpinnings of a nearly dystopic society.







Tuesday, November 4, 2008

>.<

Friggish mother of all fishcakes.

I've been sitting here since the dawn of the new millennium (by that, I mean, I've been sitting here since 10 in the morning *with breakfast, lunch and bath intervals of course*) and I still haven't finished my term paper.

All I have with me is a fat 3,102 words.


I AM PANICKING. I STILL HAVE, LIKE, THE AP REPORT TO DO.


Shoot me!






In case you're wondering, it's 5:45 PM right now.